Submitted by ThrowraImportant_ t3_10pz7aq in relationship_advice
My partner and I separated in Oct. We have two children and we still talk to manage parenting and things related to our kids. As time has passed we have started talking more on phone and we are spending more time together. She is the one who decided to separate and I have wanted to work things out from the start. I have been working on things in therapy and trying to address the problems we have. I have been watching videos related to breakups and separations from all kinds of coaches. The confusion is really coming from the idea that all of her behavior seems to point towards someone who is not done but her actions don’t match her words. We spent holidays and birthdays together,we have dinner together once a week. If I ask her to stay over she leaves if I ask her to leave she stays. If I ask to hold her hand she refuses but the next day will extend her hand to me. If I discuss how we are to get back together she shuts the convo down,but she refuses to say that it’s over and gets angry if ask her for closure. When I expressed to her that things like weekly dinner plans felt like small steps towards reconciliation she said it doesn’t mean that for her. When I said we should stop meeting up like that if it’s not what it means then she follows up next week asking if we are getting together for dinner. Any time we spend together she says is for our kids to see their parents getting along. I agree this is important but if it’s not going to work out with us why should our kids get used to sitting at a dinner table together? Of course I want to show our kids a United front. It just feels like every action points towards working it out but she verbally she won’t admit it. Would someone who is that unsure about getting back together still maintain so much contact? I know if it was over for me I would not be talking or spending as much time together. I would move on and try to maintain a positive relationship for our kids.Is it true in most cases that when your done,your done? Or does this grey area mean we still have a chance ?
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