Submitted by FreedomAccording3025 t3_10p8hw8 in relationship_advice
anna-nomally12 t1_j6iybgt wrote
I did the whole moving away from a shared space thing and let me tell you it was hell. I couldn’t get back half as much as I wanted to because, you know, life, but I also couldn’t put down any roots or form any connections because it was temporary. The mental toll of being responsible for someone else’s place that I didn’t get to use or have any say over while also being responsible for a place of my own and not having any help with was a lot- and, I mean props for offering to pay half of hers. But it seems like this proposal is more about what’s helpful for you. You aren’t going to go to her place by your own admission. And she’s going to have the entire weight of keeping things going on her shoulders- if you feel you aren’t spending enough time together it’s going to be her fault because she had work and things and didn’t feel like commuting. IF this is a temporary, for sure end date situation in the near future it might be worth fighting over. But I think your proposal is just going to add financial stress and insecurities to your relationship when they’re already in a precarious position from going long distance. This is one of those times where you need to see what your priorities really are. If having a healthy relationship is one of them, having mixed finances doesn’t make sense right now. If money is more important you can hold your ground, but as the stresses of being apart add up she’s going to look at the half of your rent she’s paying for and not even getting to enjoy and realizing she can cut her losses for someone who’s at least willing to go see her some of the time. Do you want to be right, rich, or happy? You’re getting two of the three at best.
FreedomAccording3025 OP t1_j6izsc7 wrote
I can see your point but I'm not sure what exactly you're suggesting in the reply? I get that of course if I didn't ask her to chip in for my rent and she paid her 800, I paid my 1500, of course she'd be happier. But is that a good thing if that's the only reason she's putting aside her unhappiness with having to commute and staying together?
It is meant to have an expiry date (only for 2 years), otherwise I agree with you that I am not a fan of LDRs. But I'm also aware that plans never really work out (few years ago I didn't even think I'd be working in the UK).
Viewing a single comment thread. View all comments