I told my GF (30F) I (31M) don't want to go to her brother's wedding because it isn't CF and I think (?) we may have just broken up because of it?

Submitted by ThrowRA_MJSA t3_10p8i5l in relationship_advice

My (31M) girlfriend Jen (30F) are very close with her brother Sebby (27M) and his fiancée Addie (29F). We both do many couple activities together, and as people, they have a lot in common with us and are very important friends of ours.

One thing we've really bonded over is our mutual decisions/intentions as couples to remain CF. Like Jen and I, Sebby and Addie have no desire for kids, and a lot of our conversations involve lamenting about the stigma surrounding CF couples.

Sebby and Jen actually have it a bit harder than me, because their parents (particularly mom) are very against being CF and try often to guilt-trip Sebby and Jen out of their choice. I luckily do not have that familial pressure because my family is a bit fragmented, and so no one I'm related to really gives a damn what I do with my life.

Anyway, both Sebby/Addie and Jen and I used to talk about how hard it would be if either of us ever got married, because we would each decide to have CF weddings, and Sebby and Jen's parents (particularly mom) would NOT be pleased with that. I distinctly remember this coming up one time a couple years ago when Sebby got back from his friend's wedding and said that having kids there made it nearly unbearable. Both of us then agreed that weddings that we would each someday have CF weddings, no matter how much Sebby/Jen's mom tried to guilt us out of it.

Well, recently Sebby proposed to Addie (yay!). Jen and I are so thrilled for them. But when the formal invite didn't specify a CF wedding I asked Sebby/Addie why?

Sebby then confessed they actually decided not to have a CF wedding. I was shocked and confused and asked them why, if it was because of Sebby's mom, etc. Sebby said it was just that many of their friends have kids, and that in particular, they have grown close with Addie's 9-year-old niece and do not wish to leave her out of their special day. Sebby claimed it had nothing to do with his mom, but I feel very skeptical of this. I know for a fact his mom can be very manipulative and is probably getting in his head.

To be honest I feel a bit betrayed in a way? I have been thinking about this non-stop all week. I finally brought up to Jen last night that regretfully, I just don't think I can bear to go to the wedding if there will be kids there. It's going to be so obnoxious and unpleasant. I was shocked by how angry Jen was at this. I told her doesn't she realize this makes it harder for us to have a CF wedding if Sebby isn't willing to stand up to his mom along with us? Jen then said something very hurtful, remarking that I probably won't even need to worry about our wedding if I'm this selfish. She stormed out almost in tears.

I haven't seen her all day. Sebby texted me that she's staying with him, but this is all I've heard and no one will answer my phone. Did I just go through a breakup? I'm so confused

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1

TTringsnfarmerthings t1_j6iw42i wrote

Dude. Duuuuuude. You can't just avoid going anywhere there might be children for the rest of your life like they're some sort of plague. Well I guess you can, but you can't expect people not to take that shit personally. Look, if they're your friends and you care about them, you suck it up for a couple hours, smile, them pretend you have a headache or something and dip early. But outright refusing to even minimally inconvenience yourself to celebrate the union of two people you claim are your friends, and then going on to make it about YOU and some perceived slight against you? Come on, bro. That makes you look like the world's most narcissistic a-hole.

43

Wild_Owl_511 t1_j6iweok wrote

The world isn’t CF. Also, it’s not your wedding.

That’s all I have to say.

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anna-nomally12 t1_j6iwwag wrote

Has the definition of child free switched from not wanting kids to not wanting children to exist and I missed it or is this… a bit much?

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TortoisePenetration t1_j6ix0va wrote

It seems like there's two kinds of people who call themselves child free, those that don't want to bring a child into a world they think is getting worse, and those who just hate being reminded that kids exist.

It's ok to coexist with children despite not spawning any of your own. For someone that hates kids, this is quite an immature and selfish attitude you're showing...

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ChocolateChouxCream t1_j6ixpxl wrote

The one being obnoxious and unpleasant is you. I hope you take all these comments to heart and actually reconsider your stance. The world doesn't revolve around you nor your CF lifestyle. You probably think people with kids can be overbearing about their choice but you're doing the same thing.

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nickmandl t1_j6ixzen wrote

I CANT go to this wedding Bc there will be CHILDREN there and this is somehow ABOUT ME

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mfruitfly t1_j6iy7c7 wrote

So being child free is not the same as not ever being around children.

I am child free and would probably have a child free wedding, but that's because there are not a lot of little ones running around my family. I have a niece who is 12 that I would absolutely NEED at my wedding and she acts like an adult so with her included I still see it as a child free wedding. But if my partner and I had more young kids in the family, I can see us having kids at the wedding, but I'd be child free in regards to my guests bringing kids I didn't really know.

Sebby and Addie have decided to have children at their wedding. This has nothing to do with you. If you are so terrified of children you can't share space with them, then don't go. But to make this out as an affront to you and your lifestyle is so remarkably selfish and ridiculous that of course your girlfriend is wondering what future there is with you.

These people having children at their wedding is their decision, and as I mention in my first paragraph, a lot of people rethink what they want as they age, their circles change, etc. Or, maybe Sebby did cave to pressure from family, and if so, who cares? How does you not going change that at all?

Sit there all alone on your moral, child free mountain top, and watch life pass you by.

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Remarkable-Help1710 t1_j6iy8qu wrote

You're one of the people that give CF people a bad reputation and perpetuate the stereotype that all of you are selfish people that hate children.

86

louisen-s t1_j6iye69 wrote

Are you genuinely that dense? The world does not revolve around you! You've got no reason to feel betrayed. That makes absolutely no sense and it forsnt impact your ability to have a child free wedding. Grow up cause you sound so much like a child you'd probably try to ban yourself from your wedding.

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redditavenger2019 t1_j6iyqpn wrote

You are going to blow up your relationship because you cant be around kids a few hours. Most parents, not all, will only have their kids at the reception thru the meal and then some dancing. A few hours at most. Get over yourself.

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Nani65 t1_j6iz2d0 wrote

Holy buckets, OP. Get over yourself. Your friends wedding is not about you. You are being a shitty friend.

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userabe t1_j6izr2d wrote

You just tried to make their special day about you. Your gf (maybe ex) recognised this, and probably realised that you’re the one being manipulative.

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Cyborg_sam t1_j6izrli wrote

So you know their wedding isn't about you and what you want, right? Why would you feel "betrayed"? If Jen and you were planning a wedding and she secretly invited kids, oh yes that's betrayal. But a whole different couple, doing what they want for their wedding isn't betraying you.

You need to grow up. Children are everywhere. You're entitled to a child free life, not a child free world.

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Logz94 t1_j6j00ww wrote

Hahahahaha. Is this legit real?? Holy shit I can't imagine being so entitled that I refuse to go to SOMEONE ELSE'S wedding because they aren't having it the way that YOU want?? I am floored you would think this is reasonable and I imagine that's the reaction your GF had too. She just realized that you think your disdain for children (this is different than being CF, if that's what you want cool your choice, but what you're describing just sounds like active hatred of children) surpasses the needs of the people actually getting married here. She realized you don't have any empathy and that you're self centered, and it probably helped her draw the conclusion that you would likely consider your needs more important than hers as well.

Damn who is really the child here?? I would expect this level of entitlement out of a toddler, maybe you would learn something spending time around kids 😂😂

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Carolinamama2015 t1_j6j01tf wrote

Congratulations you just blew up your relationship over someone else's choice for their wedding while also insulting your potential future MIL.

Sebby told you it had nothing to do with the mom, and you just wouldn't let it go. You wanna be child free that's fine your MIL doesn't control your reproduction life.

But refusing to go to people you claim to care about and love wedding makes you an AH. They aren't saying they are gonna have kids now just they want some family who happen to be children at their wedding and unless you are magically footing the bill for it. You need to shut up, apologize and be happy for them or ya you don't have to worry about a wedding with Jen cause she'll dump you if she hasn't already.

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Hal_Jordan55 t1_j6j0n1e wrote

Are you this selfish about everything in your life?

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n0rmcore t1_j6j0ohh wrote

If having to share a space with children for a few hours upsets you this much you need help from a mental health professional. Children are people and a part of society. This wedding is zero percent about you and your hangups.

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Spaniardman40 t1_j6j0quc wrote

OP you are a fucking idiot and just destroyed your relationship over one of the most selfish fucking reasons I've ever heard. His wedding is not about you dude, and you can survive kids running around in your vicinity. Not wanting to have kids doesn't mean you are never going to have to interact with some.

What a stupid way to ruin a relationship

5

flappysnapper t1_j6j0wmb wrote

If this is real, which I doubt it is, then you a just a dickhead.

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wildbeest55 t1_j6j1f64 wrote

The way your whole friendship/relationship revolves around being CF 💀 like do y’all talk about anything but how much you hate kids and how you’re sooo much better than people that do have kids? Get a grip. There are kids everywhere and it’s their decision to have a wedding that is inclusive for all their loved ones. It’s better you not go than bring your bad energy around those kids.

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Candice1973 t1_j6j22jl wrote

Is this real? Like for real for real? YOU feel betrayed? Are you kidding me? You sound like an entitled ass. YOU don’t want to go to the wedding because YOU feel betrayed because you guys said you would be CF in the future. People change and grow constantly. They are entitled to have any kind of wedding they want. Grow up dude

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SpaghettiKeysMcGee t1_j6j262c wrote

Have you considered legally changing your name to CF? It sounds like it is your entire identity as a person.

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Sad_Dream_6380 t1_j6j2kyj wrote

Lol what…? You’re being super self absorbed. Get over yourself bruh.

3

blue7999 t1_j6j2n8q wrote

Replying to Wild_Owl_511 (#1,620,085)

Is this guy seriously asking his girlfriend to not attend her brother's wedding simply because there are going to be children present? He'll be lucky if she isn't his ex-girlfriend if he doesn't drop this shit. Cannot even imagine giving a fuck about whether some children will be at a wedding. Guy is acting like someone asked him to be the sole babysitter of every child that will be there. This just can't be a real post and yet we're all taking the bait.

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Red_Crane_lives t1_j6j2w65 wrote

I went to a Pauly Shore movie once and thought, ‘nothing could be dumber or make less sense than that’, yet here I am reading this. Too much stupid here to even start commenting.

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hedbryl t1_j6j3ceg wrote

When your whole identity is about what you don't have...

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Elshivist t1_j6j3h4z wrote

It seems like you have made hating children your entire identity and want everyone around you to do the same.

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mochimangoo t1_j6j3iw5 wrote

You’re blowing this way out of proportion. Them having a wedding with children is not going to impact or cause some kind of effect on your life. If you don’t like it, just don’t go. I think you might be more unpleasant and obnoxious than the actual kids that are gonna be there. Get a grip OP

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abortionleftovers t1_j6j3jiy wrote

You have main character syndrome in the worst possible way. NONE of this was about you and you decided that ALL of this was about you and I also wouldn’t marry someone like that. Sincerely, a child free person who isn’t self absorbed.

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KuriGohan0204 t1_j6j3m4q wrote

I support CF people’s right to choose what’s best for them. But I think you might need therapy to deal with your concerning aversion and your need to make things about you.

As another poster said, the world isn’t CF. Get help. It might be too late to fix the damage to your current relationship, but for your future happiness I hope you explore these feelings with a professional.

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Excellent_Care1859 t1_j6j3nt5 wrote

Is this fake or do you really hate all children this much? Listen, I get it, it isn’t what you were expecting, but children being present at a wedding doesn’t have to ruin your life. When I got married we had activity packs that the ushers gave out at the door (quiet stuff like coloring books and stickers) and then at the reception there was more coloring and a paper plane table where the kids could all play together. It was kind of off to one side. No tantrums, no breakdowns, nothing. You need to get over yourself.

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mak-ina-myn t1_j6j3utd wrote

Soooooo. I see why she is reconsidering the relationship and any potential marriage to you …..

I suspect that while you 4 bonded over your preference for “CH” lives that you are overly emphatic and they are going along with you - to a degree. “CF” people can love kids and still not want them. You have a long road ahead if this is how you continue to see life - that does not in fact revolve around you.

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Neat-Internet9682 t1_j6j6qo0 wrote

Is this the hill to die on? She is seeing how you will respond. You probably have 1 shot to backtrack and say you are ok with going to wedding. Otherwise I see a breakup in your future

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_baby_ruth_ t1_j6jk5qr wrote

Be prepared for them all to drop you. This is a you problem. It’s not your wedding. They are free to do as they please. You get NO say.

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SunGreen70 t1_j6l2h2i wrote

What do you do when you have to go to the grocery store? Or walk down the street? Jesus Christ, no one is asking you to adopt the kids who will be at the wedding. You seriously can’t stay in the same room - which will be a large freaking room if we’re talking a reception hall - with a couple of kids that you won’t even have to interact with, for a few hours?

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