Submitted by brianthedogmanlol t3_10qbpiu in relationship_advice

me and my girlfriend have been dating for 7 months now, and today is my birthday. She didn’t get me anything, which is ok cause i told her that i didn’t want anything. Last week, she said that she wanted to take me shopping for my bday weekend but i said that it’s ok and i didn’t need anything. I told her that i would rather just have her write a card and i didn’t need anything. On the day of my birthday, she doesn’t have a card for me and all she did was say happy birthday to me at 1 am the night before. Today, she did not say anything about my birthday, and has barely spoke to me. My friends threw me a surprise party last night which made me feel better, but other than that i feel pretty sad today. How can i talk about this to my girlfriend? I am unsure how to approach her.

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nightowl2023 t1_j6p2f54 wrote

The first step is to stop boo-hooing and realize that your birthday is just another day.

If you want something special to happen on that day you need to clearly communicate what your desires are. I could interpret what you told her as "He doesn't actually want anything".

And we can't know why she isn't talking to you without more information.

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brianthedogmanlol OP t1_j6p3ayf wrote

I mean i told her i just wanted her to write a card for me and she did not do that. am i still overreacting?

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nightowl2023 t1_j6p45fl wrote

>She didn’t get me anything*, which is ok cause i told her that i didn’t want anything*

​

>Last week, she said that she wanted to take me shopping for my bday weekend but i said that it’s ok and i didn’t need anything*. I told her that i would rather just have her write a card and i didn’t need anything.*

Telling someone that you don't need anything. And then telling them "I would rather" leave your communication up to misinterpretation. You never actually said I want you to do x.

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Jmm1272 t1_j6p2vzr wrote

Your friends threw you a party and you’re sad? Not everyone likes to write cards. I am also the kind of person who would love a heartfelt card but you can’t demand it, some people just don’t feel good at it. I have a wonderful ex boyfriend whom I dated for three and a half years and was very caring but never once gave me a card even though he knew I would love it. It’s just not something everyone does.

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Jmm1272 t1_j6p349y wrote

Your friends threw you a party and you’re sad? Not everyone likes to write cards. I am also the kind of person who would love a heartfelt card but you can’t demand it, some people just don’t feel good at it. I have a wonderful ex boyfriend whom I dated for three and a half years and was very caring but never once gave me a card even though he knew I would love it. It’s just not something everyone does. Your girlfriend tried to get you something and you declined. That was how she wanted to celebrate you. BUT you had a great party! Why isn’t that enough to make you happy?

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DplusLplusKplusM t1_j6p4bo4 wrote

If you're still together next year maybe don't be so vociferous about not wanting anything. Apparently you rebuffed her offers to get you something (twice) and she took you at your word. She probably didn't even hear you ask for a card. There are enough people out there who hate birthdays that she likely just assumed you didn't want to be reminded of yet another trip around the sun.

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SyrusG t1_j6p6hdf wrote

Even if she heard she probably factored in he turned her down twice on doing anything. If you say you don't want anything, why get upset when you don't get anything. She did the right thing here.

OP, you should not approach her, but realize that u made a mistake in your communication and learn to do better. And instead of saying the opposite of what you mean, try to be more clear in your wants and not-wants

On that note happy cake day to u

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