Me 19m and my girlfriend 18f have been together for 2 years and mostly everything has been amazing. But we are both in college now, only 15 minutes apart. I have been swamped with schoolwork and business for the past 3 months which makes me not have as much time for my girlfriend, but regardless I still sacrifice my time for her. We have been through 4-5 arguments now all about me not making time for her and me explaining why I couldn’t or had to cancel because of a midterm or massive problem set that I had due. Every time this turns into her telling me she doesn’t want excuses and wants validation. Personally I don’t believe in this because I have a valid reason for not being able to be with her at that time. It got to the point where we ended things two days ago on good terms, but now we are talking again and we both seem to want to try but i’m confused and lost. I haven’t been happy for a while because of all the pressure and little things she gets upset with me for. And now that we are not together I miss her more than anything for what we had when it was good and I’m not sure what to do. Should we cut things off for good or do we try again. And if we do try again how do we get on the same page that my life is way more stressful and busy than hers and that the dynamic can’t be what is was in the past?

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Kooky_Independent656 t1_j6otnq8 wrote on January 31, 2023 at 9:08 PM

Set a date night once a week. And follow through. Prioritize your time so everyone is happy.

[deleted] t1_j6ov506 wrote on January 31, 2023 at 9:17 PM

[removed]

Username_1379 t1_j6ow01b wrote on January 31, 2023 at 9:22 PM

It sounds like she wants validation for her feelings?

Not that you don’t have a good excuse, but if you’re shrugging her off with a quick text and expecting her to understand, that’s a bit different than maybe calling her or sending a longer explanation like :

“Hey babe, I know we had plans for Friday, but I have a huge midterm on Monday that I need more time to prep for. I’m so bummed and I feel awful for cancelling on you. Perhaps on Sunday we can at least meet for coffee or a quick lunch? The next week I’ll have a little more time, so I will plan something great for us on Thursday evening.”

To me, that would be better than: “hey babe, I gotta cancel tomorrow night. Big midterm on Monday. Love you. I’ll be in touch.”

So perhaps you might have to toss in a little extra TLC when you’re cancelling on her? And then make sure you absolutely follow-through when trying to make it up to her.

ebruley OP t1_j6ox4tn wrote on January 31, 2023 at 9:29 PM

This is partially where the problem lies, the other day when i told her I couldn’t come over because of my 3 midterms the next day but i would make it up to her over the weekend, she gave me the cold shoulder and told me not to even worry about coming over. I constantly try to give her reassure because it isn’t that I don’t want to see her (I tell her this specifically”) it’s that so don’t have another choice and I need to grind out whatever it is in front of me at that moment.

Username_1379 t1_j6oxj1k wrote on January 31, 2023 at 9:32 PM

Hmmm. Fair enough. It sounds like she’s a bit hung up on herself rather than understanding that school work should be the top priority here.

Just because you’re studying doesn’t mean that you don’t care about her.

I suppose I would sit down with yourself to really think about if you can accept how she treats you. I’m not sure if there’s a magical way you can explain it to make her better understand your perspective. You’ll have to decide what your limits/boundaries are for how you’re treated in a romantic relationship.

I wish I had a better answer for you!