My girlfriend (F22) and I (F20) have been together for almost a year now. When we got together we had agreed that it's alright for us to have "sides", but now when it really happens I feel conflicted.

Submitted by breachofmorals t3_10owzhc in relationship_advice

"sides" just means someone else who helps us fulfil something we cant for each other. Recently my girlfriend told me she got a "side" and they meet up everytime they go to gym. I figured I was quite okay with this but it costed me a night's sleep and a day's worth of focus. I couldn't understand what I exactly feel about this as I *am* okay with her having a side. Is it jealousy? Or maybe I'm actually *not* okay with it?

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keyboardstatic t1_j6hbf4u wrote

Because personal relationships can and do with many people have underlying sexual tension. And most people know this.

There is also always a chance that one of these sides for eaither of you ends up being a better fit then you or her.

So that makes your rightfully feel threatened.

Having platonic friendships are not "sides" with clear boundaries.

It sounds like she wants an open relationship. And you do not.

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breachofmorals OP t1_j6hdcai wrote

I never thought of it that way, that I could feel threatened. I know for a fact they sleep with each other, so it's not a platonic friendship.

Maybe I don't want an open relationship, but I can see myself having sides, too. That's just hypocritical of me.

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keyboardstatic t1_j6hef1j wrote

So your in an open relationship.

This eaither works or it doesn't.

It works by both parties approaching that they honestly want the other to be totally fulfilled and happy while prioritising each other but being very very accepting of each other.

Jealousy is a difficult emotion to navigate as is fear. Both are natural reactions to someone you love sleeping with others.

Why not make it a three way or share your sides and feel more equal about it

but what happens if their side rejects you... Thats why having extremely clear pre agreed boundaries or just being totally open...

There's always the fear the partner falls in love more then you with a side and leaves. Of course this situation is always possible in any relationship.

Its just can seam more possible when sex intimacy ie basically secondary complete relationships are going on side by side.

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keyboardstatic t1_j6hf2f9 wrote

My personal experience as a outsider regarding open gay and lesbian relationships is that some form very strong fairly long lastingly group orgy relationships that function like extremly close friendships groups

or

they fall apart spectacularly, painfully, and savagely

Because favourites, better at sex, jealousy, feeling left out, actually being left out, conflicting desires about housing, children, rivalry, companion, boredom, conflict regarding drug use, lack of emotional maturity...

Unfortunately most people find that they really want to be the center of one person's whole world. And it's very hard to have that in mutil sexual open relationships especially when your young.

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Jinx_X_2003 t1_j6he7m5 wrote

You're clearly not okay with and it wasn't a good idea for you two to do this

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