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angrybathrobe t1_j6n9odm wrote

American tipping culture is insane

112

_alebrije__ t1_j6nffwf wrote

Wait till you hear about the fact that now most sit down places already have gratuity included in the final bill and still leave a place for you to include tip.

22

Silent_Impressions t1_j6n7xxm wrote

I'm a generous tipper, normally 25%,but I was definitely not tipping that when I was 19. While in still think 10% is to low, depending on the total bill, id say its acceptable for a 19 year old.

What more worrying to me is you keep saying that, "WE shouldn't go to place HE can't afford to tip 20%." I understand you work, I understand it was your birthday but if your so concerned about the tip, and clearly this is an issue that has come up before, you should have just offered to pay the 20%.

He did the best he could for you and that was what he could afford. He's 19, give the guy a break

80

Misommar1246 t1_j6ngzyv wrote

Can someone explain to me why it has to be percentage in the first place? Why is ordering a more expensive menu item mean higher tip even though the same service was put in by the waiter? That’s one. Number 2, tipping 15% used to be generous, now it’s suddenly not. “BuT inFLatIoN” - inflation means prices on the menu went up too, so 15% is still more than it used to be. I honestly think society itself and especially people like OP are causing this nonsense. 20% of your food price to someone who doesn’t even cook or prepare it but simply caries it over to your table is fucking bonkers, stop pushing for this bullshit. “Don’t eat out unless you can afford to tip” is also nonsense - if we all did that those same waiters would be laid off and with them the kitchen staff. And before you come at me with “but they make 2$” - no, a lot of them don’t. Many, many states have implemented minimum wage for waitstaff now, please people update your outdated talking points. edit: not you OP, I was trying to make a general point.

19

aelizabeth3300 t1_j6oavmd wrote

Not that I think the current american tipping system is great, but your tone here is pretty degrading to servers. a LOT of places split tips with front of house and back of house, so the chef does get tipped out, but the server is the only one making less than minimum wage. i agree the wage of the server shouldn’t fall on the customer, but that’s the way it is right now and taking your anger out on the server by not tipping isn’t going to change that fact.

4

Misommar1246 t1_j6ocdhj wrote

There is nothing degrading about a reality check. 10-15% for someone bringing food to your table is absolutely generous, especially if they’re paid minimum wage. Lots of minimum wage jobs don’t get tipped and nobody bats an eye about them. I’m not angry about the issue, I’m realistic. People beating others over the head for leaving less than 20% are angry.

1

aelizabeth3300 t1_j6ofikj wrote

babe. they DONT make minimum wage. average server hourly wage is usually $2-5/hr.

the degrading part is you implying serving is “just” bringing food to a table. it is much more involved and difficult than that, both physically and mentally. it combines the difficulties of regular customer service with the difficulties of manual labor all rolled into $2 an hour.

again, i agree it shouldn’t be set up this way. and trust me, most servers don’t give a shit about actually getting 20%, we just don’t like when people leave $3 on a $90 tab. also, the reason it is a percentage, however, is because generally the more you’re spending the more work you’re creating for the server (ie more food running, more people to take care of) so they should get paid more for that service.

3

------redacted----- t1_j6ov4un wrote

You realize that servers have to tip everyone else out in the restaurant right? Even if we don’t make enough to tip them out, at that point we have to pay out of our own pocket. So you as a customer are NOT just tipping someone for bringing food out. Pretty small of you to think like that.

2

pink_gem t1_j6op7z0 wrote

There's a lot of jobs that can be boiled to 'just doing x', but that doesn't make it reality. A server isn't 'just bringing food to the table', just like I don't 'just type words into a computer' as a software engineer.

You are absolutely being reductivistic and it is unhelpful to any other point you are making.

1

Misommar1246 t1_j6ouadu wrote

I’m not though. Obviously it’s not as easy as JUST bringing food to a table but there’s a reason it’s a minimum wage job - overall it’s low skill and anyone with a couple of weeks of training can do it. Unless we’re talking about Michelin star quality of knowledge and experience accumulation, you don’t need a degree to be a waiter. I’m saying this as someone who has done it for about a year, it’s not condescending.

1

pink_gem t1_j6oyjmz wrote

It's condescending to be a reductivist about this, fyi. If you tell anyone that their job is 'just doing x', it's going to come off condescending.

Take that as you want. You can't say 'it's not condescending'. You are being condescending, whether you want to be or not. If you don't want to be, change the way you communicate in the future.

1

chefwalleye t1_j6nhf11 wrote

You were ripping people off when you were 19 then. Servers hate teenagers for this reason. Their mommy and daddy’s give them money to go out and then they pocket every cent they can to go party. If you can’t afford to tip, you can’t afford the bill.

−7

lucketta t1_j6o6532 wrote

Holy shit you Americans are bizarre. I need to pay my food and the restaurant pays the servers. The stuff you got going there is just bonkers. Paying 20% of my bill to a employee of the restaurant or be mistreated is beyond crazy.

3

chefwalleye t1_j6o7re7 wrote

Do you think we chose this system or even have the power to change it? I agree. It’s not logical or productive. But, refusing to tip only hurts the workers and doesn’t change the system. Most Americans that are here to complain about the system are really just cheap and don’t want to pay for anything. If we didn’t have tipping, food prices would increase. Americans can’t handle that either.

0

lucketta t1_j6oa375 wrote

Of course you, as a country, chose this system. And of course you or anyone else as a person doesn’t have the power to change it.

That’s irrelevant tho. And for the rest of the world it just feel like you are being ripped off. If someone came to my country and ordered something in my business and I told them that beside my product/service they would have to pay my employees wages too I don’t imagine it would be pretty.

2

chefwalleye t1_j6pdwmm wrote

You’re right. I forgot about when we all voted for tipping culture. Tipping culture is ridiculous and if I could change it I would. Is this honesty the only thing you have to feel superior about? You’re restating the most common complaints about a universally disparaged and outdated system like it’s some kind of revelation.

1

dedsmiley t1_j6njini wrote

No, 10% is not acceptable based on age. The server is doing the same amount of work as they would for anybody else.

If you can’t afford to tip 20% then go someplace less expensive or eat at home.

−9

HauntedPickleJar t1_j6nh5y6 wrote

Come on most of us knew that if we were going out to eat then we needed to factor in 20% tip at 19. Age, or financial situation, is not an excuse to be a shit tipper. My mom taught me that and any parent who doesn’t teach their kids that is doing a pretty bad job.

−11

McSuzy t1_j6n9gm6 wrote

Nonsense.

When I was young I went out less often and to less expensive places. I most certainly didn't decide I could rob my server because I wanted to live high on the hog and then stiff the waiter or leave a paltry tip.

Also, it is quite obvious that this boyfriend wanted to take her out. This is not about her not paying the tip. I guarantee this boy would have a full blown tantrum at the dinner table if she tried to pay the tip.

−20

chefwalleye t1_j6nhkqg wrote

Thank you for the only realistic take on this

−3

buffy6949395 t1_j6n8dv8 wrote

I did offer to pay the 20% lol, I also told him the night before we didnt have to go anywhere fancy

−32

Silent_Impressions t1_j6n90w4 wrote

Ok great but hes still 19. He wanted to do something special for you on your birthday with what he could afford. I get your worried about the server but there really was no reason to bring up the tip. I mean even if you felt that the server was undertipped, just got back to the restaurant the next day and tip the server without him there. idk I'm just saying that there are better ways to handle it

30

buffy6949395 t1_j6neo42 wrote

and i was 19 the day before yesterday. i love that he wanted to do something special but it was never expected or asked. i definitely agree i should have handled it better, but i just felt bad for the waitress, especially having worked as one myself

−16

Silent_Impressions t1_j6ngghl wrote

I completely understand. My view point is also from someone who waited tables in college. I was poor as hell but on special occasions I tried to do the best I could for the people I cared about. He likely was thinking the same.

9

Misommar1246 t1_j6nio4m wrote

You’re strongarming your boyfriend over this at your birthday. Whether you approve or not, he organized it, he picked it and he can pay whatever he wants. And no, you can’t just butt in to make up for the rest. If you are paying, you can pay whatever you want but if you’re going to pressure other people into what you believe is right, you will lose them.

6

idleigloo t1_j6ngsve wrote

Ok, why is he so passive aggressive that he's swearing to himself?

I totally get it. It's more than the tip. You told him your preference for your birthday and not only did he ignore it, he refused to let you make it right.

Honestly your bf does not sound compatible with me and I'd have left him. He obviously cares more about his self serving image of your birthday than listen to what you actually want.

He also made it pretty clear that he probably never intends to tip well at all. This is who he is. If you think you can make it work then try it from that angle, accepting him being cheap and suggesting to him that he let you pick up his slack...or is he just determined to short servers?

−6

damnkira t1_j6nc3pk wrote

One of my favourite things on Reddit is seeing posts like this and then spending a good number of minutes being stunned by American tipping culture. Each time is as good as new.

63

buffy6949395 t1_j6ncfmy wrote

wow im glad u feel so entertained

−46

damnkira t1_j6ndbcc wrote

It’s not entertaining, it’s actually quite sad. Not a dig at you in any way, just the fact that servers in the US are paid so little that the responsibility to pay them is on the customers, basically, and if they don’t, or it’s not enough, they get scrutinized. That’s quite a pity.

45

McSuzy t1_j6ne7m7 wrote

It is the way that server pay is structured here. There are some sad historic roots for the practice but the simple fact is that servers do not want to transition away from tipping. They are better off with the current system.

For diners, it is very very simple. When you are served, you tip. The going rate is 20% for acceptable service. It is very simple to calculate and you know before you even choose a restaurant that you will be tipping. It's just not hard.

And of course people who fail to tip properly are scrutinized. That is tantamount to running out on the check. If you don't tip well, you should be criticized.

−3

SlowmoTron t1_j6n79fv wrote

This definitely ain’t about the tips. And if it is you should grow up.

59

buffy6949395 t1_j6n7jhh wrote

I mean it was started by the tips and that was the main concern, so i think the tips is definitely the main problem here

−42

SlowmoTron t1_j6n8ddi wrote

I just think you maybe should have waited for a different time to bring it up. Regardless of what you say its gonna seem to him like you don’t appreciate what he did for you. Also there are people in relationships that have way worse issues and their bfs make them pay for everything and tip lol. At least he cares enough to do special things for you.. if you care so much ab tipping then you contribute money to the tip

17

buffy6949395 t1_j6n8pds wrote

I told him I wanted to pay the tip to make it 20 and he said then he wouldn’t feel like a man

−14

SlowmoTron t1_j6nagto wrote

Like I said.. y’all both need to grow up. This seems really petty. A real “man” let’s his partner pay her or his part. This is this stuff you see the people on jersey shore fight about lol

15

McSuzy t1_j6nepm1 wrote

A real man pays the bill, including at least 20% tip, when he takes his girlfriend out for her birthday.

−9

SlowmoTron t1_j6ngola wrote

Notice how I put man in “” lol it’s not a real thing

7

VariationX7 t1_j6ngqw4 wrote

I suppose why I find it such a non-issue to me is because I can't relate to American tipping culture. He did his best and he wanted to do something special for your birthday, you might not have wanted anything expensive but he thought you deserved it. I don't know I suppose I would also feel some type of way if the focus was on something negative instead of the nice evening you spent. Also I don't think stopping an argument midway is really something that's healthy, you're just gonna bold up the emotions and that might turn to some form of resentment. As far as tipping I tip based on the service( you only tip at a few restaurants where I live) if the service is lacklustre I wouldn't tip 20% either

21

Electrical_Promise89 t1_j6nfnzg wrote

This post is insane you made all this drama over a tip! A tip is supposed to relate to how well the servers performed. Not a statutory right because American restaurants are owned by arseholes who don’t pay the staff for the work they do! You are ungrateful and instead of enjoying what he did you made it a poor atmosphere by bitching you are entitled as he should find 20% to tip clearly you are loud about him but not forward in doing it yourself!

19

chefwalleye t1_j6niocj wrote

If the restaurants owners paid the staff properly, your bill would be higher. You clearly understand this, so not tipping is denying a server appropriate pay for their work. You can complain about the system all you want, but workers are the only ones that suffer. And, it likely doesn’t cost you any more than it would if the prices were as high as they probably should be.

−11

Electrical_Promise89 t1_j6nkq22 wrote

So you think that restaurants are not making massive profits by expecting saps to pay the staff through tips if the restaurants were regulated properly then wages would go up and profits would go down but no restaurant would go under paying normal wages if that is the case it is not a viable business! Your comment is based on the premise all restaurants run at a loss which is why the can’t pay staff what? You think the owners are losing money feeding people. You are painfully naive!

8

chefwalleye t1_j6nltf6 wrote

Restaurants work on razor thin margins. Even the successful ones. My dad owned two and I worked in others for a decade. There are no massive profits in these industries. Look how many successful restaurants closed during the pandemic cause they couldn’t handle a single bad year after long-term success.

Even if none of this was true, the owners will never notice or care that you don’t tip. The servers that are just trying to feed themselves or their families will definitely notice the lack of tip. Especially when some of them make less than $6 an hour. Do you think an hour of their labor is worth less than a value meal at McDonald’s?

0

Electrical_Promise89 t1_j6nny28 wrote

No they don’t that is a myth to make people feel bad there have been many posts on Reddit talking about exactly this myth from managers and bookkeepers. The super thin margins are because of the money owners are taking out of the business. You are naive!

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chefwalleye t1_j6noq6x wrote

Oh right, you read it on Reddit so you know it’s a fact. Obviously, I’m the naive one here.

−2

Electrical_Promise89 t1_j6npzab wrote

Well you are clearly smarter than me no restaurant makes a profit hence why they can’t pay decent wages but people keep opening them and the primary purpose of a business is to make money so I clearly don’t understand business! Or all restaurant owners are so nice that they are feeding people at cost. Lol. You are not naive I was being nice. I do not know what you are!

4

chefwalleye t1_j6nqo69 wrote

When have I ever said restaurants don’t make a profit? Small margins are still a profit. When you sell a lot of product, small margins can make you a lot of money. Unfortunately, there’s no room for adjustment with small margins. So, increased labor costs would require increased revenue. Prices are currently falsely deflated by tipping. I’m all for getting rid of tipping and setting prices fairly, but people would complain about that too. One thing I know for sure, tipping your server doesn’t solve anything except taking money they earned right out of their pocket.

−1

Electrical_Promise89 t1_j6nqw2j wrote

That is why you called me dumb and wrote about how the poor workers should be paid through tips because the ‘employers’ margins don’t allow for decent wages but obviously that was not what you meant

3

notthegoatseguy t1_j6no85f wrote

Didn't Noma, the best restaurant in the world, just announce they are closing because the business isn't sustainable? Located in a country that isn't the US, they often used unpaid labor to operate under the guise of "internships"

0

Electrical_Promise89 t1_j6nqijx wrote

May do but restaurants are struggling because of changes to how they have to do business. Not because of wages. There are sources which state many restaurants are making a killing on alcohol buying bottles and selling them at 10+ times the original cost but yes they are all making a loss hence why the owners all wear tags live in ghettos and ride community bikes to work or more accurately live in the alley behind their business!

2

Whiskeygirl81 t1_j6nj8g3 wrote

As a former waitress the one thing I can add to this is that a tip is optional, customers do not have to leave a tip. That is their choice as well as how much they choose to tip.

Is it helpful to leave a tip , yes it is because that money is needed. And I was grateful for every dollar left as a tip. But I didn't expect it.

I sure as hell wouldn't argue with my bf about it after he spent time and money to make my day special. Things like this is what makes guys and girls stop doing nice things for you because it is not appreciated and there for stop doing it. then you wonder why they no longer put in the effort.

Did you look and see if a gratuity was already added to the bill? If so that was part of her tip, so the 10% your bf left gets added to that.

15

No_Quiet_2741 t1_j6nirnd wrote

American tipping culture is trash ASF. It's not the customer's job to pay employees.

13

One-Possibility1178 t1_j6okbzw wrote

It is trash, but do you see how decisive the comments are about tipping. Tipping shouldn’t be something to be scrutinized, criticized or argued about. Employers should pay there employees properly. It’s not on the customer to make sure that the employee makes a living wage. That’s why I no longer go to restaurants or order delivery. I make it at hole or go pick up my own food.

It’s crazy that people are being called names for not being able to afford tips or deciding for themselves how much to tip.

2

Biauralbeats t1_j6nc5p1 wrote

All he is receiving is that he put in all that effort and you nagged him about a tip he felt he could not afford to pay.

However, it would irk me too. I find it mortifying to be out with a cheap tipper and often throw an additional five or something when they aren't looking. I also don't go back for a second date if they are that cheap.

I think you need to let it lie for a day or so before bringing it up that you feel he is a lousy tipper and you would prefer less outings and more reasonable tips to go with them.

9

buffy6949395 t1_j6ndavv wrote

i definitely agree with you. it sucks cause once i realized it would turn into an argument it was too late. i tried to pin it to a different day but he wouldn’t

−1

Ok_Cantaloupe_7423 t1_j6nhypz wrote

Say it with me guys! “The customer isn’t responsible for paying a companies employees!” The faster EVERYONE stops tipping, the faster service workers will be paid an ACTUAL wage and not rely on the customer. Oh yeah and you’re being dramatic

Also tips are meant to be based on quality of service (you give a good server extra because they were nice and made your time better) the whole percentage thing is BS because why should the customer pay you extra if you’re an asshole and don’t do a good job

9

_alebrije__ t1_j6nf69b wrote

Yea, you are.

This night was a night he was trying to make special and do something extremely nice for you and it seems like you just picked a fight on purpose at this point.

Did he cuss out the waiter? Did he make inappropriate comments about the waiter? Did he act like an ass to the service staff?

If the answer is No . Then why did you start a fight?

Because he tipped 10% ?

As someone who waitressed, bartended, and was a barista, 10% is a lot from a 19 year old. Also, if the restaurant was upscale or pricy, they probably included gratuity in the final bill aside from what you left for tip.

This was not the time or place to pick a bone over how much he tipped.

Well actually, what do you think? Do you think that it was worth ruining the end of the experience over a servers wage that has nothing to do with you?

Tipping culture HAS gotten out of hand. Its not up to the person dinning to make sure the server has a livable wage. Pressuring people to keep tipping is honestly whats going to keep these restaurants from paying them better.

Eta: for the future, i would of brought this up at a different time honestly. I get why youre irked at the 10% but saying people shouldnt eat out if they cant afford to tip is pretty messed up.

8

chefwalleye t1_j6nid4d wrote

You’re a confusing person. Did you work service jobs in the US? Cause you’re justification of “I’ve been there” doesn’t fit at all. Did you ever risk not eating because of your income when working the service industry? If not, maybe consider yourself lucky and realize you actually have no familiarity with the importance of tipping. Tipping can mean the difference on a single mothers ability to feed her children. But, in your opinion, it’s more important that a 19 year old can feel like a big shot even through they can’t actually afford their bill? If you can’t afford to tip, you can’t afford your bill. I don’t care what jobs you’ve worked. You know nothing about the service industry in the US if you don’t know that’s true.

And BTW, I worked BOH most of my time in restaurants so I generally watched servers make more than me in less hours. I STILL understand the importance of tipping.

−3

_alebrije__ t1_j6niukx wrote

Yea i did, I worked three jobs at once. Would i get annoyed that people wouldnt tip? Sure. Thats why i had three jobs, i didnt depend on the tips, those were never certain.

3

chefwalleye t1_j6njh0g wrote

Did you pull yourself up by your bootstraps too? People have every right to expect to be paid fairly for their work. The nuances of this argument get lost because people don’t realize how low minimum wage is for tipped positions in some states. Unfortunately, those also tend to the be some of the states with the worst tippers. If you know your server is underpaid and you pay less on your bill because of it, then you decide to not contribute to making up that difference, you are ab AH and essentially skipping part of your bill.

−4

_alebrije__ t1_j6nlj8v wrote

Youre right, people have every right to expect to be paid fairly for their work by the people employing them.

Putting the difference on the client does nothing to help the industry get better. People should 100% be paid a livable wage without having to expect tips to supplement their income.

3

chefwalleye t1_j6nm72m wrote

Not tipping doesn’t fix this problem. Complaining about tipping on Reddit doesn’t fix this problem. Demanding higher wages for tipped staff is the only possible fix. Otherwise, your just skipping out on your bill to your servers detriment and justifying with a paper this moral argument about how it’s not your responsibility to fix society. It all of our responsibility to do our best. Stiffing your server is not that.

0

Misommar1246 t1_j6nrajs wrote

Tips are still expected in the 20% range in states where the waiters do have minimal wage. I think more and more people are just tired of these expectations despite the landscape getting better for waiters. I don’t know where OP is but my state has minimum $15 wage for waiters and still when you get a bill the tip percentage STARTS at 20% and you get the stinkeye for going lower.

2

chefwalleye t1_j6ns5hh wrote

If your servers get $15 an hour, the tipping argument doesn’t even apply. Some servers get less than $6 an hour and work places were 20% is the high end of the tips they’ll get. I think it’s pretty obvious who this does and doesn’t apply to.

2

Misommar1246 t1_j6o7ojj wrote

It’s not obvious to the servers or to Reddit, I assure you. Example: we don’t even know where OP lives and what the wage for servers is there and yet a lot of people on this sub think her boyfriend is cheap for tipping less than 20%.

2

_alebrije__ t1_j6nmsx2 wrote

Listen, i get what youre tryna say but it still falls onto the employers.

I worked my ass off working 3 service jobs and going to school full time while still having to find a way to have a roof over my head and food. There were times id go 24hrs from work to school to back to work then school again with naps in between.

It was fucken hell.

Having to depend on customers to tip me and having to deal with sexual Harassment with a smile so that i could be sure to get a tip, was fucken inhumane. I had to deal with people telling me some of the worst shit id ever heard all for a $10 tip. Having hot food and drinks thrown at me and me not being able to do shit all for the fucken tip, is inhumane.

Customers get to treat you like shit because they KNOW you expect a tip from them. Oh and employers not doing shit because they didnt want to upset the customer…yea no.

Employers need to pay their staff more.

3

chefwalleye t1_j6noknb wrote

Agreed. But again, not tipping does nothing to achieve that goal. You’re just hurting the servers to make a moral stance, supposedly for them. Let’s all push for higher minimum wage for tipped staff, but let’s not hurt those staff with our meaningless gestures.

2

lrlandesa t1_j6na4p5 wrote

I’m surprised at the amount of criticism OP is getting. She’s right that 10% is too low and if you can’t afford to tip at least 15% then you probably shouldn’t go out to eat. Unfortunately servers rely on tips and a very low tip gives the impression that the service was poor.

That said I think OP should be clear ahead of time that she will not eat somewhere unless a fair tip will be given. They could even say that whoever pays for the food the other person tips so no one is left to cover it all. Also I don’t think being 19 is an excuse to not tip a fair amount but that’s just me.

4

McSuzy t1_j6neehr wrote

I think there are a bunch of kids posting in this thread to screw around.

10

HauntedPickleJar t1_j6nhh39 wrote

And they’re oh so shocked at America’s tipping culture. It is what it is, get with the program or don’t go out to eat.

0

McSuzy t1_j6nk5us wrote

It's shocking! It's crazy! Blah blah blah.

It's how it works and it's just not that hard.

3

HauntedPickleJar t1_j6nn5ke wrote

It’s really not. And I hate the excuse that they can’t afford it because if you can’t afford to tip, you can’t afford to eat out. I grew up poor and have had many times in my life where I couldn’t afford shit, but I knew if I could some how budget to go out to eat then I had to include tipping in said budget.

3

tofujones t1_j6nj1lu wrote

Yeah, 10% is really low. I usually judge people based on how they treat the service industry. Tipping is no skin off my back because I can afford it, especially with my baseline of 20%. It's rare that I get treated poorly by staff. I've definitely lost my patience before, but even then 20% is 20%. They might really need it and is having a bad day. The service industry and any job having to deal with customers all day is ruthless.

2

kvetcherkit t1_j6ndevq wrote

And the fact she even offered to cover the tip herself and told him the day before they didn't need to go to an expensive place! But his fragile masculinity was more important to him that he didn't tell her he tipped so low until after she couldn't even do anything about it. I don't even order food if I can't tip the driver. Is tipping culture stupid as hell in the US? Yeah, it is. But it is what it is and I'm not gonna short change someone working hard like that.

1

ConstipatedGoku t1_j6nj4fs wrote

If anyone thinks tipping a certain amount is a must then you need to travel outside the US. If you can’t pay your workers without relying on the charity of your customers you don’t deserve to have a business period. Some restaurants don’t even pay minimum wage, it’s beyond sad.

4

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1

Gosc101 t1_j6ncmzx wrote

He could leave no tip what so ever if it's a dealbreaker for you, he should leave you and look for someone more sane.

1

Misommar1246 t1_j6nj1be wrote

We forgot the part where tipping is voluntary and somehow 10-15% is sneered at now. Depends on how expensive the meal was, 10% can be perfectly reasonable for carrying plates to a table if the meal was expensive.

2

Gosc101 t1_j6njw3n wrote

I don't know, even when I was in countries with tipping culture, I like to pay the price I can see listed. If you want me to pay more, then raise the price instead of expecting charity.

0

CapeTownMassive t1_j6nnjv1 wrote

Sounds like you got a year on him on earth but y’all are both still 16. I worked service industry. I consider myself a fuckin great tipper, and every once and a while I’ll even tip 10%.

All depends on the service tbh, but occasionally I just don’t have it or it’s inconvenient to break a much larger bill. I do go out of my way to make sure it’s 20% for decent service, but often tip 50 or even 100% for Fucking Excellent service. It’s totally situational, I am conscious of the persons workload, time of day, etc etc… If they’re lazy pieces of shit, I’m sorry you are not getting the full amt.

So, just realize there are layers to tipping- as there should be. I’d be more worried about him not being able to calmly communicate with you, but that’s just me. Same with you, so there ya go.

1

vndin t1_j6nqs9n wrote

I understand wanting to tip 20% as i also do this.... however if i did all that stuff for my wife and she was more interested in the waiter or waitresses tip than anything else id bee upset w her too. I get it that u should tip well, i agree that u should. But he was trying to show u a good night and celebrate you and u were hung up on money.

1

wildbeest55 t1_j6nrwks wrote

He’s 19. You can’t expect a 19 year old to be a good tipper. They have little to no money. Most servers wouldn’t care. Stop making a stink about it and let it be.

1

magiquex t1_j6ns4m3 wrote

Personally I’m with you OP. Tipping culture is insane but it’s our reality. My dad is a famously bad tipper and when we go out to eat I insist on paying the tip. I work in the service industry too and it’s just embarrassing to be with a bad tipper. During the times he wouldn’t let me tip I would bring cash along, wait until his backer was turned, and leave extra money on our way out. He doesn’t see it and I don’t have to “nag” anyone.

Also you said you didn’t need an expensive dinner and he insisted on it because HE wanted to go there. He needed to leave the tip or he’ll be emasculated. I think the real issue here is that he’s making this birthday dinner about him and his ego. It’s not about the tip.

1

Background-Growth-45 t1_j6o8v9a wrote

>I could hear him talking to himself saying "every fucking time"

So you're both ungrateful AND annoying.

1

biopticstream t1_j6neygt wrote

My advice to u is to sit down and have a real convo with him. Don't try to talk to him when he's upset and needs space, cuz that'll just make things worse. Wait until he's calm and then talk to him about how u feel and what u want. Make sure he knows that u appreciate the things he did for u, but also make sure he knows that u don't want to argue about the tip every time. If he can't afford to leave 20%, that's cool. But if it's a big issue for u, then u gotta let him know.

Just be honest with him and communicate. And try to have a good time on ur bday, cuz that's what it's all about. Good luck bro!

0

LetsRock777 t1_j6nikcv wrote

You fake woke Americans have to chill out a bit for god's sake.

0

notthegoatseguy t1_j6nji5x wrote

People getting really hung on tipping and not the relationship issue

To some extent, you and your boyfriend are young and are still learning how the world works. He isn't the first 19 year old to stiff someone on a tip and he probably won't be the last.

But at the same time, you expressed how you felt and instead of being receptive of what you're saying, he's getting defensive. Open and honest communication is needed in a relationship, and finance issues especially. A lot of relationships sink because a couple isn't aligned financially.

I'd also ask to reflect on how his behavior is to others that serve him in public customer service positions. Coffee shop workers, attendents at tourist attractions, rideshare/taxi/bus drivers. Or if in school, how does he treat his classmates, teachers, and other faculty/staff? Does he treat them with respect and kindness or is he brisk and rude?

0

kevinrp07 t1_j6n6xht wrote

Honestly if he doesn’t have this basic social etiquette then I wouldn’t do waiter service. There are many options where you can do take out or fast casual.

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[deleted] OP t1_j6nb5aj wrote

[deleted]

−4

Ok_Motor_3069 t1_j6ndp64 wrote

I think if he is cheap with servers he will eventually be cheap with you. Be cautious!

−6

buffy6949395 t1_j6ne9qx wrote

i don’t even care if he is cheap with me, i told him we didnt have to do anything for my birthday. all i cared about was that he left a standard tip, which i think is 20%

1

flufflypuppies t1_j6npr0m wrote

If he was cheap with OP he wouldn’t have brought her out to a fancy restaurant lol #logic

0

McSuzy t1_j6n91v7 wrote

I would not be able to tolerate that choice. However, you already know that he does not tip, so I am not sure why you thought it made sense to agree to go to a restaurant. Mentioning the issue at the table as the check is being paid is very confrontational and did not result with the server being properly compensated.

Your boyfriend's thought process is illogical. His decision to purchase birthday decorations for a twenty year old woman has nothing to do with the basic social contract of tipping 20% for adequate service. That is how restaurants work. His assessment of what the server had to do has zero impact on how tipping works. He is wrong and his error reveals that he is childish, self-involved, and not able to think clearly.

But he is your boyfriend and you decided to go to dinner with him.

If you continue dine out with him, you need to surreptitiously leave a full 20% tip so that the server always gets at least that. Bring cash and leave it on the table just as you are leaving or hand it to your server privately while you pretend to use the ladies' room.

−16