[21M][20F] My girlfriend of 6 years broke up with me by saying she doesn’t love me anymore. Am I being delusional or is there more than she’s letting on?

Submitted by ThrowRAwayyy19 t3_1004f7a in relationship_advice

Basically what the title says. I (M21) had a girlfriend (F20) for 6 years. We were friends at first and it grew from there and we always knew there was something between us and pretty much everyone we knew were trying to get us together.

We had one breakup prior about 3 years in where she had doubts about our compatibility and future together. We ultimately got back together, and though we argue, she’s always said we’ll work on everything together and I always have tried to be better.

I don’t want to share too many details for privacy, but when I first confronted her for acting weird, she said she needed to grow on her own and face her fear of being alone. We took some time apart and she said she wanted to talk again which is where she told me that she doesn’t love me and hasn’t for a some time. She only has the love you feel for a friend. The last thing she said to me was to love myself.

Hearing that destroyed me and honestly I’m still not doing too well. I work in a extremely in demand field, to the point that I was making plans to move over to whatever university she was planning on attending next, even out of country, and I started making proposal plans. We have a lot of mutual friends, but only 2 or so close ones which means I don’t get to see her. She’s even blocked me on social media too now, even though she said she wanted to be just friends.

I think there’s more than she’s letting on and I’m not sure how to approach her. When we talked last, I asked her a lot of questions like if she ever thought we would work out or for how long she hasn’t loved me. She would instantly go for short negative answers, but started changing them. At first it was no I only love you as a friend, to I loved you when we first got together only, and then finally to I went through “phases” of being obsessed with you and then not caring when we don’t see each other for a while. And then it was, I never really thought we would work out to, I did think we would, but I was just convincing myself.

I’ve known this girl for a long time and she’s very emotional and changes how she feels on a dime. How should I approach reconnecting with her? We’ve had no contact for 2 weeks now but I made it clear to her how I still feel last time we did talk. Am I just delusional or are there actual signs here? I would do anything to have her in my life again, but I also know I can’t force her to accept my feelings or change hers. The only plan I have for now is to text her happy birthday six months from now and hope she hasn’t blocked my number too. Any advice is appreciated. I’ll provide as much information as I can if more is needed.

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PhilosopherOk6002 t1_j2fg4ho wrote

Does it matter? She dumped you - whatever her reasoning, it's over. Move on. Any repeated attempts to reconnect is gonna seem stalkerish. Sometimes there just isn't closure, and you have to live with it.

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ThrowRAwayyy19 OP t1_j2fj1d0 wrote

Yeah deep down I know this, I know I just haven’t accepted it yet

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Correct-Sprinkles-21 t1_j2fnomp wrote

Y'all started the relationship as children. There is a lot of development and change from mid-teens to early twenties, and more from early to mid twenties.

She may have outgrown the relationship. Or there could be any number of other things going on. But if she doesn't want contact from you, don't contact her. She's ended the relationship. You need to move on. That is painful and scary but it's what you need to do..

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ThrowRAwayyy19 OP t1_j2fpub5 wrote

Thank you, it sucks to read but I already had this feeling and I guess I just needed some reality checks

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Correct-Sprinkles-21 t1_j2frpm7 wrote

There is more love out there for you. I promise. This situation sucks but you'll grow through it and things will be ok.

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leigh094 t1_j2fhmag wrote

Y’all been together since you were 15?

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ThrowRAwayyy19 OP t1_j2fj69e wrote

Yeah, I know I’m young and have options and life, but it’s still tough when it’s been 6 years of being together and 8 years of knowing someone

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leigh094 t1_j2fjg9e wrote

That’s a long time for sure! But you’re a different person than you were at 15. It might be nice to branch out and grow with someone else now.

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