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Yes. Whether she’s doing it deliberately or whether it’s some subconscious mechanism - it is manipulative. Another word I would use here is “abusive”.

You need to have a frank discussion with her about this behavior. It is clearly not healthy for you. If you can’t resolve this issue between the two of you in a manner that leads to her not abusing you it would be a good idea to seek professional assistance with a therapist - jointly and individually.

You deserve better.

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If you are completely unresponsive to her tactics, as in grey rocking. Will she up the ante? Will she continue and intensify her manipulation until she gets a response from you?

It does sounds like some type of attention seeking behaviour, or histrionic type personality.

>Does anyone know what this is?

I think the term is 'contrarian'

>Is this some kind of manipulation tactic?

Yes. Looks like your wife learned from the best.

She will definitely up the ante.

The "best" in this case being her sociopathic mother, whom my wife despises, but still shares many behavioural traits with.

She won't hear discussion. She will deny and get hostile, as is tradition.

Oof. That right there is a big red flag. I stand by my previous statement - you deserve better.

And now the kids will learn it from her.

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