[23M][23F] My girlfriend doesn't like sex but I like it a lot, are we still compatible? what should I do?

Submitted by TAPrince_ t3_1000tpk in relationship_advice

TL;DR: I like sex, my girlfriend doesn't. we barely do it once in months, and even so she did not really enjoy it. what do I do?

Girlfriend and I met in college and had been in a relationship for four years and counting. We have some common interests, and are comparable in most other aspects in our lives, as in we accepts and talk about each others hobbies and works, and don't worry about each others pay grade or families etc. But as our relationship goes on for years, I have realized that when I need to fulfill my needs with her but she never wants to, or likes it.

We always have intimate cuddles and touches and she likes it, but no sex anymore, and the last time we had it was at least 4 months ago, and the previous times also gaps months in between. Like a few other posts here, when I mention about doing it, she was always too tired, or it was around her period time, or she's lazy etc.

I've always been able to do it myself ,but I really do think that it's better when it's with her, and I'm worried that it might stay this way even if we get married. Even though I tried to bring it up with her, she just avoids the subject and gives excuses.

Cheating is not a big possibility as we spend days together every week, we have the same friend circle, and that our families are in touch too.

Could it be that I like it a little bit too much and she doesn't? if so, what can i do in this situation? I really do hope we stay together, but this sort of abstinence is too much for me, and makes me consider breaking up and dating someone else that can enjoy it with me willingly and happily.

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Corgi_Cake t1_j2ev6i3 wrote

It is perfectly reasonable to want a physically intimate relationship - especially at your age. This incompatibility will lead to built up resentment, and your relationship will suffer.

Everyone has needs. If shes unwilling or unable to meet your needs, you only have two options: have a serious heart-to-heart conversation and come up with a plan to fix it, or break up now.

If she does not recognize her lack of libido as a problem and says "its just who I am" or "I'm basically asexual" or anything to that effect - she will not try to change. If she recognizes it as a serious problem and wants to take steps to improve, then you have a chance. Be open to making your own changes to increase her sexual desire.

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