Realistic-Airport775 t1_j2b611d wrote
You are opening a door that needs to stay shut for your own mental health.
You cannot persuade or negotiate with people who do not acknowledge that they did anything wrong.
What you can do is protect yourself, do not open the cards, throw them away or get someone to do it for you.
I feel that you are still somewhat in denial about how you have been effected by their behaviour, you can see it wasn't right and that adults screaming in your face is wrong, but on one level you are normalising or somewhat downplaying because you survived it.
There is no one judging how bad or what level of abuse you received and how you should react or have been effected by it. Everyones experience of growing up is different and how you survive and continue to live through it is your own journey.
You want parents that love you, but sadly we don't get to choose the parents we are given and some people are not capable of being the parents we would like. They are also people who do not accept that they did anything wrong and therapy will help you accept that you have no power to change anything they do or say. Your request won't change anything, it will only bring you more pain.
One day you will have more control, your blocking them competely will show that you are serious. If eventually they accept that the relationship is only on your terms then maybe their is a chance they will listen to you, but I would expect that to happen any time soon.
In the meantime work on your boundaries is useful boundaries and good practice for everything in life. Often abused people don't have good boundaries as they were never taught that they could have them.
I have experience emotional neglect and wished to have parents that showed love, but sadly what I wanted and what they were capable of just wasn't possible. Therapy over several years helped a lot for me to move on from anger, denial and grief over what might have been. They continued to behave the same way in respect of grandchildren and that was the catalyst for therapy. I set my own boundaries and maintained the relationship I could handle not the other way round.
Whatever you decide please take care of yourself.
ThrowRArandomnumberz OP t1_j2fifa8 wrote
>There is no one judging how bad or what level of abuse you received and how you should react or have been effected by it. Everyones experience of growing up is different and how you survive and continue to live through it is your own journey.
I really needed to hear this. I always dismiss what they did to me when I compare it to what I see or hear of others having gone through. And what you said about how your parents treated your grandchildren is true for me too. They never ask to see my son. They don't call to talk with him. They don't ever do Zoom. They live an hour away but basically ignore him. They didn't get him birthday or Christmas presents last year. Abuse sucks.
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