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BigDaddyTrixter t1_j2fk86g wrote

Reply to comment by Throwraes in (30-F)(40-M). I feel like my boyfriend speaks to me in a childish and selfish way. But I don’t know how to respond to explain to him how much is upsets me. by Throwraes

Unfortunately, it seems you are more willing to make excuses for his behavior/actions than you are willing to understand/accept how toxic this man is to your life and future…

So I will ask you this instead: do you want a PARTNER or a dependent friend that fails to make any contribution to you, your efforts, the household, the relationship, or the overall well-being/livelihood expected of another…

YES, agreed… he needs help: but that starts with him helping himself (first)… and you don’t have the proper training, disciplines, or relationship to communicate what is needed (he already has you cornered, you are spoon feeding this existence for him)…

BUT: you came here for advice and reassure… maybe you were expecting a pat on the back instead?

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Throwraes OP t1_j2foyaz wrote

Hi, thank you for your response.

I completely agree with you, and can assure you that I wasn’t looking for a pat on the back.

I have a Doctorate in Clinical Psychology, and I think that has made it harder to leave. I am a strong empath and have ended up making excuses and trying to hold on to hope he would change. And I have also felt too ashamed to ask others for advice or admit things weren’t working because people often assume that a psychologist will have all the answers (ironically, I do when working with other people, but it is very different when it’s your personal life, and I don’t want to be psychoanalysing my partner). All of this has left me gradually more and more isolated, and therefore doubting myself constantly.

I have spoken with my partner today and explained that we will be separating. I am now just trying to work things out so that we can split without too much stress or drama.

I greatly appreciate you taking the time to respond and provide your advice. You are completely right that I need a partner, not a friend that I look after. And it is true that I have made excuses and avoided the truth for too long. Thank you for your help.

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