MissMarionMac t1_j2box16 wrote on December 31, 2022 at 1:43 AM

Oh my God.

I have depression and anxiety. I see my therapist, I take medication, and I have hobbies that I enjoy that get me out of the house because I know it's good for me.

The fact that he doesn't even seem to be trying to manage the depression and anxiety, but rather he's choosing to embrace and even wallow in it... that is a huge red flag.

He is not willing to lift a finger to take care of himself, or contribute to the life the two of you are living together.

Do you actually like him? Is this relationship making your life better, or worse?

Until he is willing to take some concrete steps to get his life on track, nothing will change, and it will probably get worse.

You deserve so much better.

Throwraes OP t1_j2bqsus wrote on December 31, 2022 at 1:57 AM

Thank you for your reply. I agree with what you have said.

He does see a therapist once a week, although it took years for me to basically force him to start doing this. 😔 He behaves better towards me for about 48 hours after every session, and then returns to his bad habits. I have also noticed that he only ever goes to older, female therapists, and that he loves for them to feel sorry for him and mother him.

I do like/love some things about him. He can be caring and supportive at times, he makes me smile and laugh a lot of the time, and I do believe he loves me. But I have also recently started to resent him a little. I resent that he seems to have no real consequences for any of actions. He can lay there all day, gaming, eating rubbish, and avoiding any kind of social contact. I have to work, walk the dogs, drive us everywhere etc. I feel more like his support worker than his partner. In recent months, I have noticed my mental health and my self care declining massively. I stay in all the time with him, rarely see any friends, and don’t cook much or clean anymore. My life has become oddly comfortable, yet very uncomfortable at the same time. But we’ve been together so long that it feels like he is part of me. As if our lives only exist when together. We live together, have dogs together, and do pretty much everything together. I know this probably sounds pathetic, but I don’t know how to be alone anymore. I am so scared. And I feel like I would miss him very much. I care about him deeply.

MissMarionMac t1_j2bs40r wrote on December 31, 2022 at 2:07 AM

Sounds like you're dealing with some of the sunk-cost fallacy--the idea that you've invested so much time and energy into something that you can't back out now.

You can.

(And honestly, take that holiday by yourself if you want to. Just for a change of scene and to explore on your own.)

Throwraes OP t1_j2bt21o wrote on December 31, 2022 at 2:14 AM

You’re right.

Thank you, I may just do that. I’m just so used to doing everything with him. But I need to learn to be independent again and find my confidence. I really appreciate your time and help.