[24M] [24F] I think I assaulted my best friend while drunk and I don't know what to do

Submitted by inmyfeelings22 t3_zzv1sh in relationship_advice

Context first, we've been friends for about 3 or 4 years. We tried dating at that time but it felt better as friends and we've been best friends ever since, but never did anything sexual again. We've moved to different cities and had other relationships since but we talk every day and see each other once every 6 weeks or so. Whenever we visit each other we share a bed and tend to cuddle but nothing more.
Regarding my history with alcohol, I drink pretty infrequently, once a month or so when I meet friends and I've never had any problems with my actions while drunk in the past. I've also always had a near perfect recollection of my drunken actions, and had never blacked out and lost time until now. My friend also has a tendency to flirt with me when drunk. She has made out with me, grabbed my dick through my trousers and tried to get me to sleep with her as recently as a couple months ago but she was way too drunk so I refused.

We are both currently single and I told her I'd spend Christmas since she's living away from her parents and I didn't want her to be alone, so I stayed with her from the 23-25th. We went out drinking with friends and both drunk A LOT at a bar, but the last thing I remember is leaving the bar and saying goodbye to our other friends.
Next thing I know, I become lucid spooning her while I THINK(?) she's asleep(not uncommon), with my hand down her pants touching her (this has never happened before while spooning drunk, something we've done dozens of times). Im still barely conscious at this point so it takes me a second to realise what I'm doing before she adjusts and kind of clamps her legs closed where I immediately pull away. I then THINK I remember going to take a shower to try and cool off and sober up, then coming back to bed and falling asleep facing the other way.
The next morning she acts normal and cuddles me in bed while we nurse our hangovers but isn't super talkative. She acts normally and hugs me when I leave, and thanks me for coming.
Ever since then we've spoken a lot less frequently than we usually do and she's seemed kind of off in our messages but hasn't outright said anything. She still wants to hang out tonight for new years and told me she's brought drinks for us and our other friends but I'm not planning on drinking ever again after this.

What do I do here? Do I ask her if she remembers? I feel so guilty and terrible, she's told me that she was raped by someone in her sleep before we met and it's killing me to know I might have hurt her.

Tl;Dr: blacked out drunk for the first time in my life and woke up with my hand down my sleeping best friends pants, she's still talking to me but seems a bit distant, do I bring it up?

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[deleted] t1_j2dpaew wrote

[deleted]

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inmyfeelings22 OP t1_j2dpor9 wrote

I don't think we had sex, she was wearing pyjamas when I came to.

No I'm 100% she wouldn't want more. She flirts when drunk but when we're both sober we have discussed in length that we both want different things (re: kids)

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Transmutagen t1_j2dsuzn wrote

Rationally, you both know you shouldn’t sleep together. Emotionally/physically you both aren’t quite as sure about it.

Maybe it’s time to set some healthy boundaries - for instance “if either one of us has been drinking we probably shouldn’t sleep in the same bed”.

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inmyfeelings22 OP t1_j2dtll5 wrote

I think you hit the nail on the head on both counts and yeah I'll definitely be taking this sofa from now on if we've been drinking.
I still don't really know whether to bring up what happened with her.

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Transmutagen t1_j2e2djx wrote

If you’re willing to talk about it with people on the internet you should probably be willing to talk about it with the other person involved.

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