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This is plain disregard. Don't let anyone tell you this is executive dysfunction cause it's not. I have executive dysfunction and the guilt eats me alive every single day, especially on days I don't get a single chore done.

Tell him that there is a difference between unwinding and escaping reality and he is not living in reality at the moment. The reality is that he is an adult and he has responsibilities beyond work.

Unwinding is fine IN MODERATION. Sometimes I get stuck on my PC games too, but I work myself around "one more round and I'll get up and do a load of laundry and then start another round." Because my executive dysfunction might be trying to drain me, but I can fake it out with intermittent dopamine inputs.

He doesn't even seem to think keeping any part of the house clean is something he should DO, He's not struggling with this at all. He just wants you to leave him alone so he can game in peace and you can clean up after him like his mommy. You should send him back.

It's not "helping" you. That implies keeping a clean environment is your job. It's "pulling his weight", and he's not doing it. You two (not just you) need to make a schedule or chore chart or something.

This will be your life if you don't nip it in the bud. And God forbid you have kids.

Do you want a partner that's happy with you doing all the work? No thanks.

Did he move straight from his parents house to living with you? I bet he did. He’s just substituting his mother for you.

I suggest you stop doing his laundry. He’ll soon buck up his ideas when he has no clean clothes. Then once you have his attention you can start proper house training.

I've brought it up with his mother and she said that often times she would turn his PC off because he wouldn't do what he was asked to. I've done it once before and it got results for a bit but I don't want to have to do that. I just want him to understand that he needs to help out.

Then stop. I know it will drive you crazy but ONLY clean up after yourself. Let him sit in his own filth and if he NEVER shows any motivation to not live like that? Just pack your shit and leave him in his own filth.

You're not his mother and you're not his maid. Its entirely justified that you expect your partner to contribute equally around the house. Thats basically all that needs saying.

From my perspective you are making a mistake by focusing on his gaming and implying that his "unwinding time" is a problem in itself. He will use that against you in any argument. The fact is that he isn't holding up his end of household responsibilities, and the reasons for that are largely irrelevant. Stay focused on the crux of the matter.

Good point. We did recently buy a month white board with a notes section. I'll have to bring this up with him, it's not the first thing I would've wanted to do but I'm afraid I'm at this point. Thank you.

Surprisingly no. He lived on his own for a little but before I moved out of my first apartment. I'm unsure if I said it in the post but he used to be great about us cleaning. I do agree that he does need to buck up.

Yeah it may come down to it.

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Divide and conquer. Sit down with him with a big list of all the chores and Divide them up one by one. Then both agree to have all your own chores done by a certain time on a certain day each week. Each of you should be 100% responsible for certain chores.

Unfortunately he's the one that brought it up that's its how he unwinds and before I was stupid enough to believe that.

Another commenter brought it up. It's a good idea and what I'm gonna end up doing. Thank you.

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Just be aware that you're the one who wants change. So you're the one who had to take ownership of this, getting the list together etc.

Also if you want to to encourage good habits a d train him, then you need to praise and reward him fir his efforts.

I'll be sitting down with him tonight.

Is this is truely what you want the rest of your life to look like? You have a snapshot right here in front of you. He won’t change. He won’t. But you can. And by you changin I mean your situation.

You don’t have to tolerate spending your life with someone who clearly does not see you as equal.

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I came in to say we'd all rather game than clean (more or less) but he still needs to help you.

But then I got to the point where you said he yells at his friends while gaming with them, and is that what you really want? If he'll yell at them over a game he'll likely yell at you and, if you have them, your kids for equally stupid reasons.

Edit: you said he gets pissed, not that he yells. Still applies.

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I will say that when I said he gets pissed he yells. But he has never once yelled at me. Fight, or angry with something his voice has never deviated the normal calm and gentleness that he always speaks to me with