[34f][35m] My partner doesn't think about sex, suggested multiple time I find a FWB.

Submitted by ThrowRa343456 t3_1006ywe in relationship_advice

My partner 34f, and I 35m have been together for 11 years last August. We have an almost 7 year old and almost 5 year old together.. For the last 6 years or so, she has been more or less asexual. We have probably had sex maybe 20 times in the last 6 years, and 2 of those were our daughters. I have communicated to her that the only issue I have with our relationship is the lack of sex. To which she tends to respond by telling me to find someone on the side to do so with. After hearing this statement 3 or 4 times over the last few years and just feeling like it was a trap.. we delved into it a bit further this last time, and she essentially said she just doesn't even think about sex anymore. I know she enjoys it, because I literally always make sure I am finishing her off before I worry about myself, but getting her to the point of wanting to is always difficult.

I know pregnancy can change libido, and over the last year and a half she has been in higher education getting a doctorate, which takes a lot of her time and energy.. but I can't help feeling less than desired at the same time.

I do all the leg work around the house, too and from school/daycare with the girls, dish, trash, and laundry are all my responsibilities, and yard work, and snow removal in the winter, and I have taken on most of the grocery shopping these days. She still cooks because she is amazing at it, and I rather suck at it. I offer headrubs all the time, to which she accepts maybe once a week if she is planning to shower the next day...

My sex drive is relatively high, and usually resort to taking care of myself in that department, but I can't help but feeling like my relationship needs are not being met halfway on.

I feel like the statement of me getting a FWB is a trap because I wouldn't want to do anything to cause tension between us, and even though she says it, has she really thought it through and means it? The only stipulation was that I don't leave her and the kids.. I'm sure there would be more ground rules if this became a real thing and we flushed it out.

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