[34M][34F] My wife is inconsolable.

Submitted by papifunko t3_1005sp9 in relationship_advice

[M34][F34] My wife is inconsolable.

My wife is really sensitive. I'm not saying this to be mean, but the 5 years we've been together, she gets "heartbroken" over anything that has negative context on her life. To make things worse she doesn't like conflict, so she doesn't stand up for herself. Instead, she avoids what she can and breaks down when she can't avoid it.

My job as her husband is to be her emotional punching bag. Not allowed to fix the problem regardless of what stage it's in. If I preemptively do something to ensure my wife would not have to "go through something", she gets mad at me and starts crying because I'm "making it worse".

She calls me often crying because of something that happened. It could be a bad experience or just a bad conversation. What she vents to me is always worse than what actually happened. This makes me want to intervene, then I find out that it wasn't as "bad" as she initially made it to be. I feel like she wanted to be a victim so she can complain and someone feels bad for her.

This gets me into even more trouble because I'm not going to tolerate someone I know disrespexting my wife. I try to console her and I'll say things like "you shouldn't let people walk all over you. Then she gets mad at me because now I'm "lecturing" her. She further breaks down telling me how sh!ty she feels and I make it worse by telling her she "needs to do better"... Which is what she got out of my comment.

Then I get in trouble when I don't intervene in some circumstances. I don't know when I'm supposed to do something and when I'm not.

I'm pretty fed up with this to be honest. She's a sweet woman, a faithful wife, and a great mother... but I don't know what to do.

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DeeJayShawDay t1_j2fs72k wrote

Women want you to listen, not problem-solve.

Maybe it would help you both if you asked "Am I listening or am I helping for this one?"

I'm not kidding.

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