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pineapplesgreen t1_iy84lbq wrote

Sorry in advance, don’t mean to sound facetious.

But what did you expect, y’all got together since right after high school. People need to be alone (not attached) to grow as a human being and y’all skipped that. When a person has lived enough life, understood their place in the world, fulfilled validation gaps, only then do they truly commit and its not even a choice to commit. Its more like a been there done that type of mentality. They’ve scratched all their itches.

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Better_Addition_2872 t1_iy88exh wrote

"Sorry, I don't think we are on the same page regarding marriage, we don't see each other so much anymore, I'm terribly lonely and feel like we've married young. I would suggest a period of seperation, and we'll see what we go from there"

The key to any good marriage is communication. Instead of communicating her feelings... She took the easy way out and cheated, while he was way on bootcamp. She might have married young, and might have been lonely. But she did take her husband for granted, and cheated on him... She also hid the fact from him, for 10 years and took away the choice he had to make an informed decision for all these years. Nothing about her, in this arc of a story, makes her seem like a good person...

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thechadman27 t1_iy9ks59 wrote

Life is not about scratching all itches. Your entire approach is incorrect- but sadly seems to be common lately. But that doesn’t make it right

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pineapplesgreen t1_iya65az wrote

I never said life is about scratching all itches. In fact, I absolutely did not say that nor do I respect someone who does that on purpose. You mistook everything I said. I’m describing what is going on in the mind of people who cheat. If someone cheats on me, it won’t hurt me or make me angry, I’ll instead become unattracted because I’ll think of them as predictable and underdeveloped. They’re like experimental mice, I couldn’t be in awe of someone who has these all too human urges. Cheaters don’t even consciously know they are “scratching an itch”. They have a gaping hole that is the need for validation. Once that is resolved; that hole is filled and their purpose in life becomes something above those human urges. I’m not saying that people should actively fill that hole. That might not even be possible to fill on purpose. I’m saying that those who don’t feel an urge to cheat or seek attention have those holes filled for some reason that they can’t pinpoint but I think of it as having been through enough of everything for it to not be a life mission anymore. Maybe its a point where the person truly KNOWS their inner selves. Like a true contentedness. Then they can truly function beyond what they were and grow more as a human being.

People easily and emotionally downvote on here especially before truly understanding a person’s point but I don’t really care about that. People do come to see these things on their own once they can see the big picture outlook and compartmentalize their emotions from their reasoning skill.

Ever since I was a child, I’ve always been collected, calculated, and observant. It is a natural habit of mine to analyze the inner workings of people and what makes them do what they do. So all of whatever I’ve said is simply an analysis, not an approval of that behavior. I literally think of those people as primitive and unevolved, but I don’t think they’re bad people, thats way too black and white, only that they have some more developing and self reflection to do. But of course, anyone who thinks black and white like that can’t and straight up won’t see what I’m saying. But the benefit of seeing the world through a rational lens is that you become less pessimistic and can truly enjoy the beauty of it. You’re not bogged down by reactions and emotions.

You might even have the urge to remain in disagreement despite a possibility that you might agree. Thats a human urge and I hope you don’t fall victim to that. If not, I’d be ecstatic to have a proper discussion without resorting to defensiveness.

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chupawhat t1_iyap4ck wrote

what in god’s holy name are you blathering about

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pineapplesgreen t1_iyap83n wrote

Hey, if you don’t want to read it, don’t, just scroll past to something else more appealing to your eyes. No need to be rude.

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justhowitgoes13 t1_iy85pae wrote

Where I understand your point here, it is still crossing a line. I completely agree that people need to experience enough of life to know what they want and to be emotionally mature.

What I would be asking myself is after boot camp after these experiences, did she choose you and have there not been other indiscretions? Or has this been going on the entire time when you were deployed or at an ftx or a school for periods of time.

I am also in the military and unfortunately this is an extremely common problem across all ages and genders when one partner serves and the other doesn't. I personally would be more concerned about recent transgressions than what happened 10 years ago if youre happy. But If it's a common theme, I'd be out in a heartbeat.

Not gonna lie I just ended it with my fiance because I couldn't trust her that she would be faithful next time I deploy or go to ranger or anything like that. This is a hard one my guy but take your time to think it out.

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pineapplesgreen t1_iy88xzu wrote

Also, not condoning cheating by any means. I just think of it as an unevolved thing to do.

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