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DplusLplusKplusM t1_iyf6js4 wrote

TBH, OP, you don't really sound ready to be married. Maybe get into some talk therapy to cleanse your present of your past (since you mentioned having been cheated on twice just in this brief question). It's never fair to drag your history into a current relationship. But that said, don't marry someone you distrust this much. She may be entirely innocent and you may be out of your mind, who knows. You just can't blindly tie the knot here when you've got all this unresolved angst from the past AND you also think your betrothed might be cheating on you. Good luck.

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The_Cutest_Kittykat t1_iyf6lcp wrote

I think you sound needy and insecure. If your fiancee is into this guy and wants to cheat with him, there is nothing you can do. So you have to have a certain level of trust that she handles her work relationships in appropriate ways.

Has she ever given you reason to suspect she would be unfaithful? Is she usually clear and open about her relationships or friendships with other people, people that probably include men?

Even if the guy has an ulterior motive for lunch, or for asking for a playlist then you have to trust her to handle it. Just because HE is being 'inappropriate' doesn't mean she will be.

The other things, I really think you are overreacting.

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AscendedKin t1_iyf8dta wrote

Here we go again with the "OP is insecure" comments even though the partner has given reason for suspicion.

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[deleted] OP t1_iyf8tml wrote

Thank you. For real I came here for support and to get help knowing if this seems suspicious not to be told I’m insecure and immature and petty. This is not the first weird friendship incident we’ve had and we worked through everything hence the wedding plans. She never cheated on me but she had another male coworker at a previous job who was telling her to leave me and trying to force her into some things and she was afraid of him or so she said so I was stuck for almost a week sleeping in the car in the parking lot of her work for her to be safe after I learned what was happening between the two of them and got mad.

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[deleted] OP t1_iyf9ent wrote

Edit: I say after I learned because she didn’t seem concerned or worried or scared until after I found out and got mad. Now if she really was in all that kind of situation I am genuinely sorry and will always protect her but I can’t help but start looking at the red flags after today. The wedding is still on because up until today I felt the friendship was normal so I haven’t even had a chance to think about cancelling it. Now all the lines and dots are connecting and freaking me out

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AscendedKin t1_iyfa9uv wrote

The only thing you can do in this situation is talk to her about it and see how she responds. After that, the next step is to quietly observe, DO NOT pressure or force her into anything. I can assure you over time the truth will come out. One thing to not do is project your past relationship trauma on to your new one, that is just a recipe for disaster. This does not mean you don't exercise wisdom and discretion however, it just means keep your wandering thoughts in check and look for real evidence.

All I can tell you from experience is you have to really make a tough decision and decide if you can actually stay with a woman who keeps male friends in her life(assuming you're a male as well). Some people do it and live "happy marriages" while in many situations those "friendships" become the thing that ruins the relationship. In my opinion it's not worth the trouble or beneficial and my woman feels the same.

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ging78 t1_iyf6j56 wrote

Trust your gut.. what does it tell you.

Are there any other signs like secrecy on her phone etc

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_lmmk_ t1_iyf7nvg wrote

OP, your baggage related to previous partners cheating on you is NOT your fiancé’s baggage to pick up and carry.

I suggest some therapy so you can stop using being cheated on in the past as a reason to act immature and petty in the present.

It will only become more and more annoying as you get older and still behave this way.

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