Adequately_good t1_iyf195f wrote on November 30, 2022 at 10:21 PM

I understand where he’s coming from. Me and my gf took things very slowly, we knew within a few weeks we were exclusive (no obligation just by choice), admitted we were something more at 5 months, then official around the 7 month mark. Her reason for the slow pace was that her previous relationship was toxic and she was still healing when we met. My reason was that I was enjoying being single and didn’t see myself settling with anyone. We were both incredibly cautious and it worked out for the better... so I guess what I am saying people can take a long time to adjust, it may not necessarily be a bad thing as long as he is being honest.

[deleted] OP t1_iyf2lj5 wrote on November 30, 2022 at 10:30 PM

Thank you for sharing your story! I just have one question - you said your reason for not labeling the relationship right away is because you “enjoyed being single and didn’t see yourself settling with anyone”.

Weren’t you technically not single if you were exclusive? And you were settling down with her, even though it was verbally unsaid? I’m just having a hard time understanding that piece. Thanks so much!

Adequately_good t1_iyf4leu wrote on November 30, 2022 at 10:45 PM

Interesting question, and probably a confusing answer! I had a single mentality but was “casual” with someone I was massively falling for. I could have slept with or dated whoever I wanted during that time, I just didn’t because the perfect woman was already in my life. I had my barriers up as I’d had my life turned upside down in past breakups. I had just gotten to the stage in my life where I was content and in control I.e. job, house, cat, friends. I was scared to make it official because that label comes with obligations, expectations and I didn’t want to get my hopes up.

[deleted] OP t1_iyf6osg wrote on November 30, 2022 at 11:00 PM

He explained it the exact same way you did. It’s comforting to hear this come from someone else as well.

Is there anything she did in the time you were dating without a label, that made you want to put the label on things? Or did the urge to table it naturally come?

I’m asking because I want to know if there’s anything I can say or do that will help him put his guard down, other than just giving him the time he needs and continuing to see him.

Adequately_good t1_iyf9joy wrote on November 30, 2022 at 11:20 PM

She was just, herself. I knew she was great from the start but the feelings and trust built up over time. We very rarely spoke about our labels and what the rules were. I remember once she tried to talk about us when I wasn’t quite ready, I changed the subject and she didn’t push any further. I had my own internal anxieties about getting into another, possibly life changing, relationship and she did very well to not add to that. The label came after we spent a whole week with each other around Christmas (last Christmas) and it was just obvious this was for real.

[deleted] OP t1_iyfaqgi wrote on November 30, 2022 at 11:29 PM

Love that! A true rom com story. Well I wish you two the best and thank you so much again for sharing your story.

Adequately_good t1_iyfbj6q wrote on November 30, 2022 at 11:35 PM

No worries! If it feels right with your bf and he’s giving you all the signs and love languages then don’t worry about the label, he may surprise you in a month or 2! If he starts pulling away and there are no signs of progression then you need to consider your own happiness. Good luck!