My boyfriend never does the ‘little things’

Submitted by Bells131 t3_z8xh8t in relationship_advice

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for around 8 months now, he never does the little things anymore. We’ve kind of started living together so we are very comfortable with each other and I blame everything on that, maybe since we’re used to each other now the little things don’t matter anymore or if I want something I should just ask. From the beginning we had arguments about him not showing he cared about me, we took a break for a while and he’s great now, I really love him, I really do but sometimes I just get so tired because I constantly feel like I need to ask/beg him for the bare minimum. Something’s, some acts should go unsaid, I hate being his teacher and I’ve told him this before and we’ve worked it out and things were great for a while but I feel like things are starting to go downhill again. He just doesn’t do the little things that matter, maybe since these little things are very important to me I expect everyone to be like me but when I say little things, I really mean the little things! For example, when we order food he always takes the bigger plate or eats things without offering to me at times, which is something I would never do. Sometimes, I would say I’m full or take the smaller plate so he can have more, or for instance, on my birthday he knew how much I wanted certain sneakers and he told me he couldn’t afford it and I completely understood that but the truth is, he can afford it! We never go on dates anymore and I feel like he’s very comfortable with the fact that I should spend money on him. Of course I’m more than happy to, as long I can afford to, I will! But it’s good to know that sometimes he’ll take care of me too because I know he can afford to, comfortably. I dont know what to do, I’m so lost, should I confront him? Should I take a break? Any help is appreciated.

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ayylmao2016 t1_iye0bs7 wrote

This is what the beginning of the relationship is for, learning about each other and what to expect. You talk about how wonderful he is and then point to a clear cut case of him not being that. It's never fun to realize that things aren't going to work out, but that's what it means to get to know someone on that deeper level. He has shown you, consistently, what to expect from the relationship. You have responded to this knowledge with unhappiness. He responded to your unhappiness with a short term fix that led right back to the original problem. As it always will, because that's who he is.

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Farquar-lazs t1_iydtbyj wrote

What kind of little things do you want him to do?

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Bells131 OP t1_iydujf8 wrote

Some acts that show that he cares me or that he puts me first in some situations.

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[deleted] t1_iydtfqd wrote

There is no such thing as a break in a relationship, be communicative and explain what you expect from a relationship and don't give him all the little acts of love until he does the same.

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Bells131 OP t1_iydtoyq wrote

I have! We’ve talked about this several times, and he changes for some time then eventually goes back to his nature.

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[deleted] t1_iydv3vh wrote

Has he said anything when you stopped putting effort? It might be that for him it's just normal, which in that case you might sadly be not compatible on that level.

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