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You don't get to turn your attractive parts on and off like a flashlight. The kindness that drew you in is the same kindness you despise him showing others. It just doesn't work that way. Either learn to accept that this is part of why you chose him or pick someone who isn't as kind.

Ex-nice person here. It will take time before he realizes that all this being nice to people is not going to translate into the same for him. People take advantage of you. People take your kindness for granted. Hell, some partners will take your kindness for weakness and lose respect for you. I was that guy. Until I had enough and I decided not to let myself be that guy anymore. Now, I am only kind to those who are kind to me. It sucks because I used to be happier when I was letting people run me over. But you realize that you haven’t learned how to have/manage healthy relationships. I hope your BF realizes this before it gets too late. May I suggest gifting him “No more Mr. Nice Guy”?. It’s a great book that really puts things into perspective.

I love that he’s kind and I wouldn’t want him to change who he is but I just want to be put first sometimes. It feels like my needs come last because he worries about everyone else. It’s not nice when your planning a weekend together and he leaves early because his mom misses him. I understand sometimes things come up but it’s every week, I don’t think it’s unfair to feel hurt that my feelings aren’t taken into consideration

He is too nice to everybody except for you. He can't say no to his mom and dissappoint her but has no problem to dissappoint you. Everybody is more important than you. You can wait. Now tell me, is this man really nice? He hurts you and he knows it. He shows you clearly where his priorities are and you are on the bottom. In short: this man has no respect gor you. You deserve so much better.

I was also someone who was too nice to everyone until I had enough so that’s why I’m trying to be patient and understanding. But it’s got to the point it’s not just affecting him but it’s affecting me. I know it’s something he needs to realize on his own but I don’t know how much more I can take

I know your right. I put him before everyone but I always come last. I don’t think he is intentionally doing it but it’s really shit. I suppose I can also blame myself for also being too nice and letting him do this over and over

I'll be honest, I don't really care how you feel in this instance. It's not about you. It's about a trait you picked in a partner and now want him to be able to be a flashlight. It just does not work that way. Kindness gets shown to the people he interacts with. That is part of his essence. The kind man is kind because he wants to be good to others. His mom is part of it, you ma'am are part of it. You do not get to pick and choose when he is kind. You do not have that kind of controller. You get to pick him or not him. That's your locust of control.

But is it kind to constantly leave me? Let me down over and over? My issue really is that he’s not treating me with respect to please someone else. He’s so busy trying to be good to others who don’t care about him that he won’t do the same for me. I’d do anything for him I just want the same back

Hard pass, he's showing he xan turn it on and off like a flashlight when his actions are going to affect her, and only her. He thinks that she'll just love him unconditionally, his actions be damned. No way, doesn't work that way. He's just being inconsiderate

Thank you for understanding what I’m trying to say. He will always be a kind person I get that but I just ask that he considers my feelings sometimes before he agrees to do something for someone else

OP, I don't want to claim to know exactly how you feel, but I have BPD and I know how intense those feelings can be. Most people will just never understand how something so innocuous can feel like a dagger in the heart, and it's true those deep reactions aren't the problem of others to solve, but for a 'loved' one to keep putting you last is just wrong.

This is exactly how it feels. It feels like losing a loved one as dramatic as that sounds the way I feel is so intense over such a small thing. And to have this happen several times a week is killing me