Submitted by [deleted] t3_z8upqo in relationship_advice
[removed]
Comments
Such-Candidate8083 t1_iydc5tk wrote
I dont think its weird that your bf doesnt care. He should care if you cheat but should expect other people will be attracted to you.
I dont really think your coworker did anything that is clearly flirting. Like maybe it is but maybe its not
ZiggyCropduster t1_iydcbu8 wrote
Should he be worried?
AmsterdamJimmy420 t1_iydciep wrote
Why should he be worried unless you are open to cheating ?
Trust isn’t a stupid idea
EverybodySupernova t1_iydcitb wrote
Lol you're upset that your boyfriend trusts you and isn't jealous? Honestly kind of a strange take.
What's more concerning is the way that you talk about this guy. Sounds like YOU are starting to like him.
[deleted] OP t1_iyddjln wrote
MckittenMan t1_iydemfo wrote
I don't know, this kind of sounds backwards...
You had an inkling this guy liked you. You started giving him more attention. Invited him outside of work... He went out of his way to sign up for volunteer (probably just to impress you).
And you're upset your boyfriend isn't jealous about it?
If you're doing this type of thing to test your BFs reaction, just break up.
Lladyjane t1_iydfgto wrote
It's time to break up.
ReadEmAndWeepLOL t1_iydfjho wrote
Sounds like that's the real problem, the boyfriend just really doesn't care
SarcasmIsntDead t1_iydfpev wrote
I’d be more worried about you subconsciously wanting this other guy by your story and now your other comments. It wouldn’t surprise me if you start entertaining this other guy at some point because he wants to fill the voids your bf isn’t…
asbestoswasframed t1_iydh3yj wrote
You flirt with guy at work and he flirts back. You ask him to let you teach him tennis. That's basically a date at this point.
If I was your BF, and I heard this story, I would nod and smile and plan my exit because it sounds like you and your work friend are probably fucking already.
If you come home one day and he's gone, that's why.
Stop flirting with and planning dates with other dudes if you respect your BF.
FSmertz t1_iydhk80 wrote
The reason your work buddy is pursuing you is that frequently boyfriends come and go. Your continued engagement with him about non-work matters clearly communicates your interest in him. It also unconsciously communicates your uninterest in your current boyfriend--do you talk about him (or the things you do together) much when you are with the work guy?
Plus, your newer comments about your blah relationship, well hell, looks like you are window shopping for boyfriends. Too bad you work together.
EinsteinVonBrainless t1_iydif93 wrote
Can we just ban these comments altogether? People on Reddit love to yell "BREAK UP!!!" on every post. If you're going to make a comment, at least be constructive. Otherwise, upvote someone else who said the words you didn't feel like typing.
oizinho666 t1_iydii45 wrote
Yup, yes he should. But i tbink she's gonna break up with him first. Since she's been feeling lonely with him. Specially now that she's Getting more attention from other guys and he ins't acting jealous
biteme717 t1_iydj83n wrote
LMAO 🤣!! Go criticize someone else!!
99probsbutadogaint1 t1_iydj8wa wrote
"Issue" #1
>My boyfriend doesn’t care that my coworker seems interested in me
This in it of itself is not a problem. It's not your bf's job to shut down your coworker. That's your job, and your bf seems to trust that either your coworker isn't "romantically" interested in you or that you'll shut him down if he does show that he's "romantically" interested in you. So honestly no problem here as far as I can see.
Issue #2
Literally everything about this reply here ^
You and your bf should be spending quality time together. Everyone is allowed and should have "alone" time to do their own thing, but if he's not giving you any of his time that's an issue.
>Now, I have a guy who actually does want to do stuff with me and takes an interest in my interests. I don’t know. I’d just think maybe my boyfriend would try to step it up if he really cared I guess.
OOF... Sounds like you're having "the grass is always greener on the other side" trope. Not really fair to be telling bf about this guy and expecting him to see that you're really asking him to spend more time with you.
>I’ve expressed to my boyfriend before that I often feel very lonely with him. He doesn’t have much to do with me and shows little interest in me. He never likes to go out and do things with me.
Not sure what "I've expressed" looks like, but I'd recommend a serious sit down convo with your bf about this. He needs to be spending more time with you, otherwise, are you still with him?
>he said yeah, because now he doesn’t have to.
If that's what your bf told you, he's either an asshole and you should seriously consider dumping him, or he's a dumbass and, assuming you want to stay with him, should educate him on what a relationship is.
EinsteinVonBrainless t1_iydjova wrote
I'm criticising anyone who posts this; I just happened to pick on you. Sorry not sorry.
davidmacku t1_iydk0ro wrote
How old are all the parties?
[deleted] OP t1_iydk6al wrote
[removed]
[deleted] OP t1_iydkaoi wrote
3ThreeFriesShort t1_iydl1je wrote
There is a lot to unpack here.
You sound very interested in your coworker, that feels like a walking fantasy you live out a little. You also sound dissatisfied with your boyfriend like you want him to be jealous and give you more attention. Both of these are fine as thoughts and feelings, but ultimately won't give you what you want.
SignificantRegion448 t1_iydlx9t wrote
Whenever I feel alone I come to this sub-reddit, it often reminds me of how lucky I am. Fuck relationships.
treadwells_gone t1_iydm0xj wrote
Damned if you do, damned if you don't, I guess
NYCstraphanger t1_iydmbn0 wrote
The dude wants you so bad. Guys don't do things like this to be a good person. He is very interested in you. the question is, are YOU also interested? Women have intuition when it comes to attraction. Women can tell if a guy is coming onto them. He is trying new things because of you, he is checking out your ass, he is volunteering too. He wants you. It is good your bf doesn't seem to care but if he loved you he would ask questions at least. Maybe ask, do you also like him? Good luck.
AcceptableStand7794 t1_iydmf9y wrote
This should be at the fking top.
ZiggyCropduster t1_iydmi9h wrote
He should indeed. That top comment wasn't there when I wrote that; but it sounds like BF is about to be ex....and if I were OP that's what I'd do.
Appropriate-Energy69 t1_iydmubn wrote
Sounds like you’re the one who’s losing love. Before doing anything further or making any decisions break up with your boyfriend first. Don’t have to cheat to see if he will react.
Significant-School87 t1_iydn52a wrote
Sounds like you’re gonna cheat lol
Direct_Relationship2 t1_iydnfvg wrote
So do you like this other guy or not?
Why are you even entertaining this guy if you aren’t done with your bf?
AdviseRequired t1_iydnj1f wrote
So you want your BF to dictate who you can be friends with and get aggressive when another man talks to you?
You also want to be told to shut his advances down otherwise you might...let him convince you?
​
You don't sound ready for a relationship.
xcapades t1_iydnv4h wrote
Trying to use another guy to make your boyfriend act right is a bit childish imo, deal with your issues in your relationship directly. Break up with him if you want as he sounds trash.
bekahed979 t1_iydnwo1 wrote
It's ok to break up with your boyfriend, you sound unhappy & like you feel unappreciated.
KnightzEnd2 t1_iydo423 wrote
No offense, but you really need to work on self-awareness. You have a boyfriend but are purposely allowing the advances of another man. Then, clearly try to use these advances to manipulate your boyfriend. Then come here and complain that your boyfriend didn't get jealous???
This is so messy it's sad. Your new friend is obviously ok with being the other guy or breaking up a couple. You are obviously ok with surrounding yourself with people like him. Your boyfriend is pretty apathetic towards you but from where I sit, this could be him being a jerk or could just be him protecting himself from your messy and immature nature. You are already borderline cheating.
Good luck though....
wewereddit t1_iydokug wrote
Don’t break up with your bf because this other guy is going above and beyond for you right now. He knows you have a bf so he’s working a lot harder for your attention.
Aria133 t1_iydoqan wrote
I know that exact feeling. It's such a crappy feeling to feel so alone while in a relationship. I'm a gamer too and so was my ex but he thought just us being in the same room was us hanging out, even though we'd be playing different games. I'd suggest date nights but he'd complain the whole time and make me feel like crap.
I'd say have a big talk with your bf about putting more effort into the relationship and I hope he starts. It sounds like he's become comfortable and just taking advantage of the situation.
While it's nice that this guy seems interested and is trying to make an effort to impress you. Work relationships aren't always the best idea either.
pineboxwaiting t1_iydos9h wrote
Ha! The problem is you like the new guy better than you like your bf. Whatever will you do?
JerusalEmAll t1_iydp2t0 wrote
I was on your bf side until I read one of your comments. I was never jealous of my wife during our relationship, because I figured if I gave her all I could and she still wanted to be with someone else, then there was nothing I could have done to prevent it, and I trusted her not to cheat and to tell me if I wasn't enough. However, your comment indicates that he not only doesn't do all he can for you, he barely does anything at all. To me this seems more like he will keep you around for the things he can get out of you, but doesn't care for you further than that. Personally I would leave him. But I also would not date the other guy as he works with you, and does not seem to respect existing relationships. But I could have the wrong take on him as you seem to give him as much interest as he does you.
Ampanampanampan t1_iydpfy3 wrote
Your boyfriend is a massive jerk for saying that to you. If he cared about you, why would he say that or feel that way?
Consider why you’re happy to remain in that situation.
Everyone deserves to be with someone who shares their interests and actually likes spending time with them. If your boyfriend is so relieved to not have to spend time with you, maybe it’s time to go.
PatientLettuce42 t1_iydpski wrote
Tells the whole story how 95% of your post is about this new guy and not even about your title. Seems like you are fiddling around with fire there.
Your boyfriend actually should be concerned xD
Zacherius t1_iydpuw7 wrote
Its super easy to cater to someone's every whim if you're not dating or just starting to talk. You're super into everything they do and you'll spend hours on something that doesn't interest you at all just to spend a few seconds with them.
This is entirely unsustainable. Once a relationship starts suddenly the real world comes crashing back. Volunteering at a shelter? I worked all week, I just need some me time.
Also, kudos for having a trusting boyfriend. From what you've said, he shouldn't be so trusting, since you're inviting this other guy you're clearly into to everything you do.
Post again in a month or two when you've moved on to new guy and the shine wears off some.
Equal_Replacement_81 t1_iydpv0p wrote
I’m not going to say your bad, or anyone is in the wrong here. Sometimes people in relationships just drift apart. That’s what it sounds like with your bf. Just know when to let go. Don’t cheat and if things progress with your coworker, then it’s perfectly fine to pursue a relationship with him.
[deleted] OP t1_iydpv9b wrote
[deleted]
suspicious_hamster_ t1_iydpw6c wrote
Sounds like you gonna let coworker smash. So many questions.
Kiwihara t1_iydpzem wrote
It almost sounds like you're looking for justification to break up with your boyfriend for this guy.
I know this is a really hard pill to swallow for a lot of people, because it can be traumatizing: Break. Up. From. Your. Shitty. Relationships.
​
That's it. My dad told me as much when he hated my girlfriends. Did I listen? Hell no. But I wish I had now. Will the same thing happen with my son and whoever he decides to date? Probably.
Just leave.
Electrical_Promise89 t1_iydqdnw wrote
You have been signalling interest in this guy and actively choosing to spend time with him and are mad your boyfriend is not controlling. You are not using your big girl words, playing games not clear communication. Just break up with your bf and monkey branch to the new guy it is what you have been setting up all this time don’t worry about how it makes you look if you really cared you would not be entertaining the coworker!
PatientLettuce42 t1_iydqgb5 wrote
this is a pretty sexist and sadly also braindead statement. Guys don't do things to be a good person? Women have intuition about attraction, but men don't? Do you think every man in this world is oblivious and don't realise when a woman is interested in them?
​
> It is good your bf doesn't seem to care but if he loved you he would ask questions at least.
You should not frequent this subreddit any longer with quotes like that.. geez.
Objective_Flan_9967 t1_iydqphb wrote
It's sounds like you are initiating connecting with the guy as much is he is with you, so are you trying to make your boyfriend jealous when he is handeling this like a mature adult? A mature adult don't get jealous of someone they trust.
But if I was you, I would start limiting contact with the guy because you are basically starting to emotionally cheat to get a reaction from your boyfriend
Spare_Special_3617 t1_iydqq9m wrote
Oh come on open thy eyes. Are you really this naive?
Secure_Candy_4724 t1_iydqywz wrote
So your whole post is about your admiration 😤 for your "soon to be new boyfriend "coworker compared to your current "soon to be ex boyfriend" ....Me thinks there's trouble in paradise.
Yurt_Of_Carim t1_iydra0w wrote
"whaats goooing ooon?" Lol dont play dumb, that guy wants to fuck you and you want him to, that how most affairs start, then you Will play victim "i didn't knoooowwww" yes you know exactly whats happening , if you are unhappy talk to your bf, either end the relationship and go fuck this other guy or fix the relationship but dont cheat and play dumb "idk just kinda happened, didnt think was going to happen Boo Hoo" classic Cheater bs. Seems like you are in a path of cheating because of the resentment you have for your bf not expending More Time with you. You are still on Time to do the right thing
TheGood_D t1_iydrhfc wrote
In my opinion, you could check if he's treating all people like that or you specifically, to see whether he has feelings for you or is just a nice awkward guy. Either way, you can always tell him that you're uncomfortable with the way he compliments you and educate him on how to do better, though it seems unnecessary as long as it's harmless complimenting.
As for your boyfriend, if he's a good person in every other aspect, then it's not that he doesn't care, it's possible that he clearly trusts you and doesn't want to intervene with your place of work and relationships, which is a big positive.
All I am seeing here is a trusting boyfriend and an excessively friendly coworker. I think your coworker might harbour feelings for you or he might just like hanging out with you as a friend, but I'm kinda sure that he could be a little socially awkward. Even if he does have feelings for you, it doesn't matter as long as he doesn't act upon them.
NYCstraphanger t1_iydt6zl wrote
Puhleese, it's not sexist. The dude wants to get in her pants. Of course men have intuition but we are talking about her. Stop trying to make an issue about something I didn't say. Stay on topic.
NYCstraphanger t1_iyev12q wrote
Oh so attack me for having an opinion. You are not a mod so stop being so delicate with other people's opinions and suggesting I not frequent this sub.
Of course guys do nice things for the sake of being nice but this guy is going out of his way to do so and checking out her posterior. So um, ya, he wants her. Furthermore, of course both men and women have an idea if someone likes them but this is a coworker so it can be a mixed bag to tread lightly upon.
I have been on this sub for years and literally nobody has ever been offended by my advice. Not until you so kindly fuck off. Have a good day.
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