why am i like this?

Submitted by dyingofthirst23 t3_z902l0 in relationship_advice

i don’t really understand but i’ve noticed sometimes when a boy really starts liking me i tend to lose interest. usually i start doubting my feelings for them and start wondering about other people out there. i end it once i start feeling this way because i would never want to lead someone on or have it happen to me. i have had sometimes where a guy has liked me and i’ve liked them back but then it just didn’t end up working out, but i was wondering if other people have had it where you start talking to someone - you like them, but then something would usually happen. i don’t know if i just have commitment issues or if i’m just genuinely not as attracted to them as i thought i was. please help

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MckittenMan t1_iye9axn wrote

I'll take a stab at it.

You like the person when its easy-going, i.e the early stages. It's less demanding.

Once they begin to develop more for you, it is a bigger demand for your attention. Now you feel obligated to entertain this person and make room for them. Like its become a responsibility.

After you feel like it becomes work, you withdraw and lose interest.

Does any of that resonate with you?

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dyingofthirst23 OP t1_iyea7m7 wrote

that kinda makes sense to me tbh, but in my current situation things have continued to be easy. i just feel like i’ve begun to lose interest and that i feel like i deserve better than it? maybe it’s like i don’t know if i wanna give my all to this person. because i would if i was truly fully attracted to them. and i keep doubting my attraction to them

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MckittenMan t1_iyefzo3 wrote

In that case, I don't see anything wrong that stands out.

Ideally, you should have enough interest in a person to date them. After you learn more about them, your interest should increase... It just sounds like you're going through a normal vetting process.

You may have a smaller pool of things that trigger a development of interest than the average person. Nothing wrong with that. My only comment would be to maybe try exploring more personality types?

Someone else commented that this could be tool for you to seek validation. True. Worth thinking about.

What you don't want to do is settle for someone that you just feel "meh" about. Nothing wrong with seeking someone more appealing to you.

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dyingofthirst23 OP t1_iyeiqbv wrote

thank you so much! i think it is that i’ve raised my standards a lot from what they used to be and i’ve begun to understand what i fully like and seek out

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alwaysadoll t1_iyeg99j wrote

Sounds like you have an avoidant attachment style. I'm the same way and I have a fearful avoidant attachment style. You might want to look into attachment styles and take the quiz. This will give you some insight into the ways you can heal into a secure attachment type and won't have these feelings with every guy you date

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dyingofthirst23 OP t1_iyeid2y wrote

thank you! i know i have a few different attachment styles and this might be one of them for me.

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SemShady t1_iye9x8a wrote

Ive exactly the same issue, but I’m the guy in this story. I started dating this girl two months back and it’s been wonderful. She’s really been sweet to me and it feels like she really fits with me. We spend the whole weekend last weekend and we the two first days were wonderful. Like we’re really in love. The last day however was very different. It’s like she doesn’t even wanted to be with me. She said she’s losing interest and it’s not because of me or anything i do, but only because of her feelings. I’m really clueless. I guess it’s just how it goes.

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Now_Villager t1_iyed3qq wrote

This isn't a criticism, but at some level could it be about getting validation? Sometimes people who don't feel much self esteem or maybe confidence (especially when you're young) will look for it from other people, and once you've got it you lose interest in them. If that sounds like it might be you, make a list of all your strengths, good points and your dreams to help get clear on who you are.

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dyingofthirst23 OP t1_iyeij7j wrote

this is a good point but i’ve gotten really into myself and have raised my standards a lot so i believe it might just be that.

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