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tinny36 t1_iuicvb9 wrote

I"m not quite following...you said "If I meet him again from now on, I definitely want to avoid him and will just stick to my place. So my dilemma is, should I do him the favour of letting him know the reason I won't go back, or just stay polite and say nothing?"

So do you plan on seeing him again, or you're ending it?

If you're ending it, go ahead and tell him. Do the 'break up' part then say' and to be honest, I was pretty uncomfortable in your place, I felt very unwelcomed and not valued as a guest by how little effort you put into tidying or cleaning.

If you're NOT ending it, and it doesn't bother you to stay at your place, then just keep offering your place, and if he ever says 'what about mine', then say, 'yeah so about that, I totally want to do things equally but I feel like maybe you don't really want guests over?' When he's like 'what do you mean', then say 'I just felt a little uncomfortable there, I like sheets on a bed and I just felt like I was always wiping crumbs off me'. So I don't mind meeting at my place.

If you're not ending it and you DO want to be able to stay at his place, tell him sooner rather than later, and depending on how well you communicate, you can make it light hearted... Next time you agree to get together, you can say 'so I can come to your place but like, YOu've been to my place, you see what my apartment is like, I like a made bed, with sheets on it...I mean, girls like neat and tidy, you know? (laugh)

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DisMyLik8thAccount OP t1_iuidw8g wrote

Oh sorry, that was a weird typo. I Meant to say, 'I Definitely want to avoid his place' not 'avoid him'. I Don't want to avoid him, I still like him

>Next time you agree to get together, you can say 'so I can come to your place but like, YOu've been to my place, you see what my apartment is like, I like a made bed, with sheets on it...I mean, girls like neat and tidy, you know? (laugh)

Funny thing is I kinda tried this already, before I'd even seen his place. The other night we were chatting online and he said, 'Well if you're coming I better tidy up a bit, I've let the place get kinda messy'. (Or words along those lines) Now I have before encountered men like him who are blind to mess and don't clean up properly, and I wanted to make sure he knew my expectations to avoid this very situation. So I half-jokingly said, 'Yeah you better had, I like a clean space lol' just to drop the hint in case he needed it. Didn't work though evidently. So yeah, at this point I think if I'm gonna say anything I need to be direct, hints don't work

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tinny36 t1_iuif5kz wrote

Ha, clearly.

Or, since dudes play games just as much as they complain WE do, he could have done it on purpose to kind of show you he's NOT putting effort into this, as a relationship.

Either way, if it's just a fwb and transactional...you're not worried about cultivating a 'relationship', then definitely set out your standards. YOu can say 'yeah...I'm not going back to your place unless you clean up. I'm not sleeping directly on a mattress and wiping crumbs off my skin. So, I'm sorry, but you either 'really' clean up this time, or we stay at my place.

You'll be able to figure out if/when you get tired of his laziness and always being the host.

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