I’m in love with my best friend

Submitted by tvbee876 t3_yirfq8 in relationship_advice

As the title says, I (25F) am in love with my best friend (27M). We first started talking about a year ago, we met through social media and realized how much we have in common pretty quickly. We soon grew closer and closer and are now inseparable. I think I had feelings for him from the very start but I kept pushing those feelings away and I don’t think I can ignore them any longer.

We both had bad luck in previous relationships so we’re both very cautious when it comes to these things. He has said before that he’s not looking to be in a relationship unless it’s something serious. It’s sort of a long distance relationship, I only get to see him ever couple of weeks and we don’t really have a place to hang out in so we usually just drive around and listen to music.

He’s a very shy person and is not a man of many words, he never really said anything that implied that he might see me as more than his best friend. I’ve tried talking about other guys around him and he encourages me to talk to them. The only thing that makes me think that maybe he does see this going somewhere is the amount of time and effort he puts into this friendship. Like I said, he’s very shy and introverted but he always makes time to text me whenever he can, we text each other 24/7 and talk on the phone multiple times a day. I’m pretty sure he talks to me more than he talks to his own family.

I don’t really know what to do. I’m not even sure he likes me back. I think I’d rather suffer in silence than risk the chance of losing him. He’s the sweetest nicest most handsome man I’ve ever met in my life. I keep waiting for him to mess up or say or do something horrible but he never has, it’s been more than a year and I’ve seen him at his best and at his worst but he never said or did anything bad.

So, should I risk it and tell him?

TLDR: I’m in love with my best friend but I’m not sure he has feelings for me and if I should risk it and tell him.

2

Comments

You must log in or register to comment.

TheObviousBurnerAcc t1_iuk4y55 wrote

I was literally in your shoes 3 or 4 months back. You should 100% confess to him. I (M) was in love with my bestfriend (F) of 4 years. I confessed to her few months ago and although it resulted in me drifting away from her I do feel like I am in a much better place. I was scared that I would not be able to live without her but the result of us not being together proved otherwise. I have been more productive than ever and I am wayyy happier than I was when I shoved all those feelings inside of me.

2

tvbee876 OP t1_iuk65k2 wrote

As cheesy at it may sound but I truly don’t think I’ll find anyone better than him.

Edit: I just read your story and I’m so happy that things ended well and that you’re happy. But I don’t think I’m as strong as you are. Just thinking about him not being in my life and what that last conversation will be like makes me cry so hard and I have to stop myself from thinking about it.

1

TheObviousBurnerAcc t1_iuk6ntf wrote

I completely understand where you're coming from but the world is pretty huge. You've put him on a pedestal right now. You're literally just 25 years old. You have your whole life ahead of you. You will meet many many new people. And this is just assuming that the guy rejects you. What if he does feel the same way about you?

1

tvbee876 OP t1_iuk79tj wrote

You’re 100% right. But I don’t know if I have it in me to take the risk.

1

TheObviousBurnerAcc t1_iuk8ggs wrote

The fact that you are posting about this on reddit and seeking advice means that you want to take some action on it.

I am just pasting the advice a great guy gave me on my post but its just too good not to pass on.

Do it now before you have the chance to regret it.

4 things could happen.

Rejection: At least you know now as sucky as that is. And move on to find someone who actually really wants you as their girlfriend.

You get the guy: No downsides (I hope?)

You wait around, he finds some other girl to be his girlfriend: Lose your chance. He has a happy life totally without you.

You wait around, he gets with another girl but they don't work out: You're really back at square 1 and now its the same decision but with the next girl he dates.

Rejection really isn't as bad as you make it out in your head. Only he knows how he feels about you and you burying your feelings inside is not gonna change anything. Except maybe give you grey hair from all the stress lol. Anyways I hope you find the strength to confess to him. Keep us updated on your situation and all the best!

2

tvbee876 OP t1_iuk9fee wrote

That’s great advice. I’ll think about it and keep you updated.

You’re so nice thank you so much.

1

UnsightlyFuzz t1_iuk8azh wrote

Instead of confessing to him, why don't you just seduce him.

You know... a slowly escalating dance of light touches, maybe the occasional heart emoji on a text, use of terms of endearment, invitations to stay later and longer, etc.

I don't know why more people don't use this approach. Confessing feelings seems so stark. Besides, even if he doesn't have feelings now, with a seduction approach he may develop them.

1

tvbee876 OP t1_iuk94rh wrote

We always use terms of endearment and heart emojis but we started using them right from the start so they’re more of a friendship thing. I also lightly touch him or grab his arm occasionally but like I’ve mentioned he’s very shy and never wants to overstep any boundaries so he accepts my gestures but never touches me in any way other than hello/goodbye hugs.

1

AutoModerator t1_iuk32i3 wrote

Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We'd like to take this time to remind users that:

  • We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors

  • Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned.

  • No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. (Includes, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, FDS, MGTOW, etc.) Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.

  • All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.

  • What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, or situations involving minors and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.

If you have any questions, please send us a modmail.

#This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

1

solivia916 t1_iuk3i3a wrote

You have to be able to deal with the possibility that if you say something and he doesn’t have feelings for you, the friendship is already significantly changed by the confession alone. You might be able to stay friends, but it will like ringing a bell, once it’s out there there is no taking it back. That said: I think you should tell him anyway. Love is never a waste; and you might regret telling him but you will 100% regret never saying anything.

1

tvbee876 OP t1_iuk43gm wrote

You’re right. But we’re both of the mindset that the guy should usually initiate the first move, and he has mentioned how scared he is of rejection. So maybe this a one sided thing and I should just burry me feelings and live with it because if he did feel something he would say it? I have dropped hints before but he’s a little slow when it comes to this kind of stuff.

😭😭😭😭😭😭 this is so hard!!!

1

solivia916 t1_iuk60vk wrote

You should say something, especially if he has mentioned a fear of rejection he could be afraid to and if it doesn’t work out you have a better chance of remaining friends if he is an understanding person.

3