Submitted by Ok_Difference_2674 t3_yigo8w in relationship_advice
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2.5 years. With about 2 of those years being long distance. We have had our ups and downs but for the past year, it has been pretty steady for the most part. I have recently been struggling with some aspects of our relationship and being long distance so I wanted to discuss my feelings with him. My family does not like him due to how he has treated me. My family is super important to me and honestly, it makes sense why they wouldn’t like him because some of his behavior was inexcusable. I recently gave him this feedback, and he didn’t take it well at all. I was not rude about it but just told him that I think he needs to show my family how much he has changed. He said my family was a bunch of “faggots” because when he met them, he was on his “best behavior” and it wasn’t good enough and that it’s my fault because I told them all the bad things he did. I get where he is coming from but I needed someone to talk to when he was treating me poorly and unfortunately I went to my sisters for support/guidance. I didn’t appreciate his comment either calling my family “a bunch of faggots”. I don’t understand why he gets so defensive instead of just having a normal conversation/discussion. I get it was probably hard to hear but I needed to tell him what was bothering me vs holding it in. He also has two kids that he does not speak to anymore so I brought that up as a concern for if we get married and have kids and he went off and said that he thinks I will be the bad parent/not present because I am mentally unstable. I struggle with mental health issues and this also really, really hurt me because I love kids and really want to have them and think I would be a really good mom despite my battles with depression. For him to say he will be a better parent and I would be a bad mom is so hurtful to me. He is going through a hard time with work/burnout/depression funk but I honestly don’t think I can stay with him anymore. I don’t think there is any hope for him to truly be who I want him to be and I am kinda tired of #1 being long distance and #2 feeling like I am dating his potential/settling. I don’t want to send him into an even deeper depression, but I also need to take care of myself. Any guidance is greatly appreciated.
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