My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2.5 years. With about 2 of those years being long distance. We have had our ups and downs but for the past year, it has been pretty steady for the most part. I have recently been struggling with some aspects of our relationship and being long distance so I wanted to discuss my feelings with him. My family does not like him due to how he has treated me. My family is super important to me and honestly, it makes sense why they wouldn’t like him because some of his behavior was inexcusable. I recently gave him this feedback, and he didn’t take it well at all. I was not rude about it but just told him that I think he needs to show my family how much he has changed. He said my family was a bunch of “faggots” because when he met them, he was on his “best behavior” and it wasn’t good enough and that it’s my fault because I told them all the bad things he did. I get where he is coming from but I needed someone to talk to when he was treating me poorly and unfortunately I went to my sisters for support/guidance. I didn’t appreciate his comment either calling my family “a bunch of faggots”. I don’t understand why he gets so defensive instead of just having a normal conversation/discussion. I get it was probably hard to hear but I needed to tell him what was bothering me vs holding it in. He also has two kids that he does not speak to anymore so I brought that up as a concern for if we get married and have kids and he went off and said that he thinks I will be the bad parent/not present because I am mentally unstable. I struggle with mental health issues and this also really, really hurt me because I love kids and really want to have them and think I would be a really good mom despite my battles with depression. For him to say he will be a better parent and I would be a bad mom is so hurtful to me. He is going through a hard time with work/burnout/depression funk but I honestly don’t think I can stay with him anymore. I don’t think there is any hope for him to truly be who I want him to be and I am kinda tired of #1 being long distance and #2 feeling like I am dating his potential/settling. I don’t want to send him into an even deeper depression, but I also need to take care of myself. Any guidance is greatly appreciated.

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wigglebuttbiscuits t1_iuim327 wrote on October 31, 2022 at 4:42 PM

I this is him "changed", I'd hate to see what he was like before.

Please leave him .He's emotionally abusive and you deserve so much better.

Ok_Difference_2674 OP t1_iuipqnz wrote on October 31, 2022 at 5:06 PM

Thanks for responding. I think I agree with you 100%

Suitable-Cod-1381 t1_iuivojo wrote on October 31, 2022 at 5:45 PM

Dump him. He's treating you like trash. Your family is right

And who the hell uses the f slur anymore is he from the 90s?

sxfrklarret t1_iujcc3m wrote on October 31, 2022 at 7:36 PM

This is not how you treat someone you love. He is a tool. Leave him

Underworld_Denizen t1_iujn79h wrote on October 31, 2022 at 8:49 PM

This guy is showing more red flags than a communist parade! Dump him already!

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Icyfire2013 t1_iuiqkus wrote on October 31, 2022 at 5:11 PM

I don't think there is any salvaging of this relationship. Unless you are willing to strain your familial relationship. Implies that you painted a bad picture of him to your family. And with that bias they may not have liked him when they met him. But with how he reacted to you regarding their perception of him I don't it will be good for your mental health to stay in this relationship.

I did have a brother-in-law who my sister divorced after complaining all the time to our dad's side of the family about the negatives. But mom's side of the family loved him because they were always told about the positives in their relationship. She lived closer to dad so they influenced her to divorce him. It's sad how this worked out.

So point being if they already have a bad perception of him that is unlikely to change but it sounds like he reinforced that bad preception with the way he responded. So my verdict is to break up.