Knale t1_iuhpll0 wrote
Reply to comment by [deleted] in Is it unhealthy for me (31f) not to want to get to know one of my bf's (38M) friends? by [deleted]
> I mean, I admit that there's chance that I'd like her, but I just don't think it's likely. And if she crossed any boundaries with me, I would be super uncomfortable with them continuing to be friends.
What boundaries do you expect her to cross at a group party?
Look. I get it, you don't have to love everyone, but this whole thing feels really weird and off-putting from you. Just be pleasant and cordial, and if you don't like her then don't hang out, but nothing you're saying here feels reasonable or fair.
This honestly just feels immature. You're going to be at parties with people who aren't your cup of tea at various points throughout your life, and at this point you don't even know this woman isn't your cup of tea. You're pre-judging her without even saying hello. "Attention seeking behavior" doesn't mean anything. I have some truly incredible friends who occasionally post a bikini picture on instagram. That doesn't discount them from being a good person.
[deleted] OP t1_iuhqvl0 wrote
I think there's a risk she'll be handsy with me, groping etc, which is something that she does at group parties, and yes, even with other people's partners. If that happens, I don't think I'd be able to handle it well. I know from experience that I tend to either shut down completely (freeze response) or react badly in other ways which would likely cause a scene. I'm sure she's an awesome person outside of this.
Knale t1_iuhrig7 wrote
> I think there's a risk she'll be handsy with me, groping etc
So...maybe stand a little further away? Or when you meet say you're getting over a cold and you don't want to hug? There are dozens of options here other than judging this woman who you don't know. Smile and say "Hi, nice to meet you!" and go from there.
>which is something that she does at group parties, and yes, even with other people's partners.
You've seen this happen? With your own eyes? What does handsy mean? I hug/touch other women at parties besides my partner. Am I being handsy? I guess I just don't understand what you mean.
This is just one of those things when you're an adult that you're going to have to do once in a while, and who knows, maybe you'll get along really well.
Somehow I don't think this woman is going to grab your boobs at a party or whatever. I think you'll be fine.
TuggNiceman t1_iuig6b1 wrote
>I think there's a risk she'll be handsy with me, groping etc, which is something that she does at group parties,
It's impossible for you to assume and judge someone for that when you have never met them.
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