yowen2000 t1_iujg6kp wrote
> but I also feel like I’m missing a core experience of my formative years—young puppy love without 1970s baggage.
I think you said it yourself, this is what I imagine you wish you knew.
lostgofl OP t1_iujgz1w wrote
Definitely. Sometimes I have an envy of the pure love I see some of my friends receive from their partners. A very unconditional, thoughtful, untainted care and affection. I wrestle with my feeling that I don’t deserve that type of love, that I’m past it somehow. That I’m already too jaded, bitter, or inferior (compared to other girls) to be fit for it. A superficial analysis would lead me to think I have low self esteem and self worth, but I carry myself confidently and I practice self love. It’s been difficult pinning it down.
yowen2000 t1_iujizwk wrote
> but I carry myself confidently and I practice self love
But neither of these things actually convinces me you believe you are confident, or that you actually love yourself. It just means you know how to appear or behave as such.
> I wrestle with my feeling that I don’t deserve that type of love, that I’m past it somehow. That I’m already too jaded, bitter, or inferior (compared to other girls) to be fit for it.
And this only further proves it, you've resorted to relationships with older men as you don't have the confidence or self-love to feel that you deserve an unconditional relationship with someone your own age.
It's never too late to change that. People your own age will always be there and some will even be prepared to date you.
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