Submitted by [deleted] t3_yir5oc in relationship_advice
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Submitted by [deleted] t3_yir5oc in relationship_advice
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Ask your gf what does being too close to my sister means?
Partners being jealous of closeness to family members is the BIGGEST RED FLAG of them all.
Run away from this woman. Fast. Very very fast.
She is trying to isolate you from your family. Next comes control. Then abuse.
Leave.
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What do you think?
I don't think this post has enough context. Redditors love to jump to the "RED FLAG, BREAK UP" conclusion, but in this case I just think we need more info. As a 23 year old woman, I honestly do think it's a bit strange for his sister to be wanting to cuddle with her 18 year old brother over a nightmare. That's a kid thing, but usually something siblings would grow out of.
Why the word "cuddle"? What does this cuddling look like?
As for spending time together alone, that's normal for siblings? Do you two do anything weird together?
Yeah had an ex that said this. Took me a bit to realize what an abusive POS he was (also when I learned about gaslighting!)
Not saying she’s that bc there’s not a lot of info but no, that’s not too close
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That's how it starts.
This can be complicated I think a rule of thumb is
When your sister asks to cuddle do you feel obligated to or do you feel preassured that you are not allowed to say no.
If it is like she is asking and you are endulging her need for a hugs then it is probably fine.
Where the line is for the physical emotional exclusivity that belongs only to your gf and your relationship is something you will have to negotiate.
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I, 24f would cuddle my mom the same way I'd cuddle my female best friend. Platonic affection is not inappropriate or weird. I would never in a million years cuddle with my brother but honestly, I don't talk to him either because we've never had a good relationship. I'd cuddle my step mother but not my father, I think that'd be weird and I have a great relationship my father. I'd cry to my dad, and I'll vent to him and he vents to me, we all watch movies together and spend quality time together but I'd find it weird to cuddle, yaknow? If I were you I'd ask her why she found it weird and where her boundaries with that lie. It's okay to set new boundaries as long as you are also comfortable and okay with the agreed upon boundaries.
Your gf is making it weird.
This could also be a red flag from her that she’s isolating you from your family. I would look out for other signs of isolation or control.
At best though, she’s just never seen a familial closeness that you have with your family
You're fine.
Is your girlfriend really upset, or just commenting and looking for reassurance nothing weird is going on? I'd just reassure her you are a normal sibling relationship and talk about her experiences with her siblings.
The problem is not the cuddling it's that you feel like you cannot say no to the cuddling If you wanted to.
I understand what you're saying.
I think cuddling and clingy are interesting terms to use when it comes to family though.
The important question is, what are you comfortable with? If you want to maintain that closeness with your sister, set that boundary with your girlfriend, ask if there's something you can do to help her be more comfortable with how close you are to your sister.
If you'd like to perhaps distance yourself from the cuddly/clinginess of your sister, you need to set that boundary with her and make it about you, not your girlfriend.
If your sister reacts poorly to that, that's her own issue and you would then need to sit down and have discussion with her about her inappropriate behavioural reaction to you trying to set boundaries with her.
Being able to set boundaries with people is important so while its hard it is good experience and a skill to work on no matter who it is you end up setting boundaries with, stick up for yourself and voice your opinions, what you want matters.
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