OK weird title I know. So, we've been together 5 yearsish, and he's been self sufficient in that time so hasn't had a job where he answers to anyone, doesn't have to get up on time etc. I have always worked, and no issues.

He just recently signed a contract on a new job, so we can buy a house, and he off handedly warned me... That his personality/work life guy is a workaholic, drinks more than usual and generally gets obsessed with work. He did mention ages ago that he 'wasn't ready to meet someone' before he met me as he was career focussed.

He's not a bad person, and I can see what he means - if he's working on a project he gets right into it, which I'm proud of him for. I said to him, a job is a job, you won't be taken care of by your boss when things in life happen, it's literally just time for money and while he understood that, I am unsure.

How can I broach the subject again and maybe have a conversation about how we can mitigate this blowing up the relationship? I'm not going to tell him what to do, but if we suddenly have no time for each other or I'm not a priority, then it's going to really suck.

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#376,228

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[deleted] t1_iuhaxr8 wrote on October 31, 2022 at 10:02 AM

#376,480

You should talk about how you feel with him. Explain him EVERYTHING you said in this post, in a calm way, and if he is the right person for you then he will understand and will explain his point of view too. Please talk with him. Communication

DaisyInc t1_iuhay85 wrote on October 31, 2022 at 10:03 AM

#376,483

While a job certainly and reasonably means he'll have far less personal time, it is not an excuse to neglect you or your relationship entirely. Any job should provide enough balance for employees to maintain family relations.

Decide together what is a fair amount to expect out of the relationship once he starts working so you can both plan your workload and schedules to accommodate that much time of the relationship. If either one of you is unwilling or unable to meet this agree upon expectation, then you may have indeed reached a stage where you are no longer compatible.

UsuallyWrite2 t1_iuhbnaf wrote on October 31, 2022 at 10:12 AM

#376,618

Why are you worrying about something that hasn’t happened?

If he begins ignoring you and becomes an alcoholic, you leave. It’s pretty simple.

cjpcodyplant t1_iuijqkb wrote on October 31, 2022 at 4:26 PM

#389,691

Just try to talk to him about it. Best to be out in the open about it, and promise to use understanding while working toward solutions that can both allow him to be himself without letting it get between you and him completely.