Submitted by [deleted] t3_yifp5r in relationship_advice
[deleted]
Submitted by [deleted] t3_yifp5r in relationship_advice
[deleted]
Sounds like your assumption is wrong. You do in fact need to confirm every week whether he’s coming or not. Should he be proactive about it? Absolutely. Are you also capable of asking the question to avoid this outcome? Absolutely.
At the least it’s just rude to be a no show for a meet up over the weekend. You have every right to make your own plans too. The fact that he’s in essence just dumping you to do something else with no notice to you at all is wrong. I hope he at least tells you why he ghosted you. If he doesn’t that indicates that he is not as into the relationship as you are and you should take the opportunity to make your own weekend plans. You have a standing date and he is standing you up. Please broaden your circle of friends and activities because this guy is not as into your relationship as you are. You may now be the back up to his meeting someone else. In other words he is using you. Please move on.
I don't think I should have to confirm with him every single weekend. It's the norm that he comes on the weekend. We talked about it. It's just common sense that if something comes in the way of those plans that he'd tell me he won't be able to make it.
Like if you were supposed to meet up with a friend, you wouldn't just not go without saying anything. You'd let them know that you can't make it.
Okay, I mean that's a bit far. We've been together for almost 2 years and this has happened 3 times tops, which is still frustrating but it's not like he's constantly ditching me.
I know that he's having a family thing for Halloween (I saw it on his mum's insta) so I know why he didn't come by now and it's fine, it just frustrating that he didn't tell me cause I always make sure to keep at least one day of the weekend free for him and said no to other plans that I could've gone to.
If you wait for other’s prompts, you will waste a good bit of your precious life. Not communicating is not much different than mis-communicating: in fact not communicating is a subset of mis-communication.
A proactive approach to taking ownership of your feelings, your time, … your life is to DO and BE and PLAN TO DO and BE. That doesn’t allow for you to be someone’s casual “option.” Let him know unequivocally that if he’s changes his plans and doesn’t care enough about you and your time to give you plenty of notice (except in the rare instance where uncontrollable events prevent notice) so you can plan your weekend without him, you will begin planning to be on your own or replace him with someone else who will respect you enough to communicate and not passively deprive you of other options. That is a form of theft and indicative of a flawed moral compass, so beware…you’ve been forewarned.
If I had plans with someone I know is flaky I would always confirm with them. Like I said - they should be proactive, but at this point it’s on you too since you know how they are.
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