Submitted by [deleted] t3_yigxx6 in relationship_advice
[deleted]
Comments
sprinkletrinket t1_iuikv1e wrote
Does your wife see it as cheating? Does she even know? If she doesn’t, why haven’t you told her?
girl_from_away t1_iuil0yv wrote
Yeah that would be a hard no in my book if the marriage is monogamous and not open. If my spouse was being intimate with someone else -- and cuddling is intimate, regardless of whether there's sex happening -- and hadn't explicitly discussed that with me beforehand, yeah... that's a huge problem.
yowen2000 t1_iuil4v2 wrote
The rule is: if you have to ask / if you think it would upset your s/o, it's probably cheating.
You came here to ask. So yeah, this is cheating. You need express permission from your wife for this to not be cheating. All you did was give each other permission, which isn't worth much.
luvduvbunny t1_iuil5mb wrote
If you are 100% comfortable with telling your wife about the cuddling, then it’s not cheating
If your friend is 100% comfortable telling her husband, then it’s not cheating
However if either of you (one or both) aren’t comfortable, then you know it’s cheating
I personally would be pissed if i was your wife. I consider it cheating
Designer-Teaching-27 t1_iuilafp wrote
You can call it what you want. We call it cheating.
thatfloridachick t1_iuilfrw wrote
Is your wife aware that you're cuddling with this person and is she okay with it?
If not, that answers your question.
gogoruskigas t1_iuili4j wrote
Yes bro this is obvs cheating, but it's not terribly bad. Continue if you dare but your conscience is telling you it's wrong ha
WRose287 t1_iuill8e wrote
You need to ask your wife if SHE is comfortable with this.
Personally, I wouldn't be. Especially since it's a case of "I don't have this at home and want to have it outside". To me, I would only do it after talking to my wife and asking how to resolve this any other way and ask if she would be comfortable with this.
nomasslurpee t1_iuilm3d wrote
Would your wife be a fan of this? If not, you've probably crossed a line.
If you have to ask, you've crossed a line.
Lordofthelowend t1_iuilpwv wrote
I’m with you. The fact that he brings up their sexual frequency and lacking intimacy is telling.
Gh0st1011001 t1_iuiltbw wrote
I think if your wife knew about it and if it wasn’t a problem andddd if it’s that normal to you then you wouldn’t be asking. It may not be the most blatant form of cheating but it is crossing a line that could escalate eventually.
brooke1092 t1_iuilwiv wrote
I am not sure it is cheating, but it veeeery well could be crossing some boundaries.
mechtil_d t1_iuilwz7 wrote
It depends. Does your wife see it as cheating? Then you’re cheating. Are you lying about cuddling with another woman or keeping it hidden from your wife in any way? Then it’s probably cheating. Your wife’s actions are her own, it doesn’t make your actions cheating or not cheating.
whatsmypassword73 t1_iuimdji wrote
Yah I can’t imagine my husband of thirty years cuddling someone other than me, that’s a hard pass. You’ve just concocted your own rationalization because you want to do it. Not cool.
misterk2020 t1_iuimdwo wrote
At a minimum you are crossing the line. You’re playing with fire as sooner or later you’re going to cross the line.
Victorianesque t1_iuimdxr wrote
I’m thinking maybe op needs to take all that energy he’s putting towards cuddling with his friend and put it towards bettering his marriage and his relationship with his wife
relaxative_666 t1_iuinj5v wrote
Why are you asking us? Ask your wife. That should be the only opinion that should matter to you.
My opinion: I consider cuddling as being intimate, if you cuddle with someone other than your SO, you're cheating.
PusssieHound t1_iuinomf wrote
Very inappropriate. That behavior needs to stop immediately. Ask yourself this, would you mind if your wife was doing some cuddling with another dude. Like in case she didn't like cuddling with you, but another dude, yes. Ask if you would be okay with that.
True_Pineapple517 t1_iuip7du wrote
That is not a line I’d be toeing if I cared about my marriage.
LordLuscius t1_iuir5c7 wrote
If it's OK with your partners. Me and a freind still cuddle with a mutual ex/it's complicated, and it's fine with her current bf. Hell we had a cuddle pile, me, her and her boyfreind once. Thing is, if your coming here to ask, instead of talking to your respective partners, something tells me it's cheating
Calasy t1_iuirxxg wrote
The only reply that matters. If you are hiding shit, you know it is wrong.
Snowmist92 t1_iuisb1n wrote
Anything intimate that your partner wouldn't want you doing with another person behind their back or to their face can classify as cheating. This could be a kiss, a butt slap, flirting etc... It all depends in what boundaries are set in the relationship.
Antique-Macaroon208 t1_iuit5ee wrote
My BF is a cuddly man and I’d probably be ok with him cuddling others as long as he still cuddled with me.
But the fact that you had to point out your lack of intimacy with your wife pushes this into cheating territory for me. Cuddling friends INSTEAD of your wife is not ok. Unless your wife is fine with it and you two have a mutual understanding, in which case there’s no problem. Also, how does your friend’s partner feel about it?
In these crazy days when simply having friends of different genders is considered “cheating” you’re probably going to get pushback on this.
MarioZ1235 t1_iuit64j wrote
You should probably ask your wife. But you're really playing with fire here. I'd say there is a 95% chance of you hooking up with your friend sooner or later if you keep this game up.
OnehappyOwl44 t1_iuit8rt wrote
Would you do it if your wife was in the room? Would she be ok with it if you told her about it? If the answer to these questions is no, then you're doing something deceitful and betraying your wife.
Islandmilk t1_iuit920 wrote
Emotionally cheating on your wife
Appropriate_Title135 t1_iuittaj wrote
What if your wife would do that. How would you feel? That’s definitely inappropriate and you should stop this shit
TotalLoose8308 t1_iuiw6e8 wrote
>I cuddle with a friend (who’s also married.) Funny enough, I still have sex with my wife.
Yea, dude, the fact that you need to justify it with "funny enough" that you have sex with your wife shows YOU know it's sex adjacent. YOU have that association.
>and we classify this as not cheating
I'm sure you two do rationalize your cheating with each other. I can "classify" the sun as a bright ball of cheese to myself if I want, but we both know it aint.
>It can be very affectionate at times, just never sexual.
Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.
If it's not cheating, you have nothing to hide, and will be more than happy to make sure your wife and her husband feel the same way. Why go to reddit instead of your spouses for another view?
Oh right, because you're cheating and you know it.
Ryeguy108 t1_iuix48y wrote
Your getting into emotional/physical cheating territory by showing affection (aka cuddling) with another person. Touching and cuddling a person that isn’t your wife for most people is considered off limits. Also she doesn’t sound like a friend, friends normally don’t cuddle each other. People who romantically interested in each other cuddle.
Suspicious-Classic-9 t1_iujolcm wrote
yeah i’d say it is, imagine randomly walking into a room with it happening as the other person in the marriage, how would you feel?
out of curiosity, do you have kids with your wife?
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