Capricondor t1_iujdd0o wrote
Reply to comment by MsBuzzkillington83 in My wife (F 30) started talking with a therapist and wasn't ready to tell me (M 29). She lied about what she was doing and I dug in. Now she's mad that I didn't trust her but I'm mad she lied to me. by [deleted]
She is a very private person and the biggest barrier we have in our relationship is her personal walls. She is very proud and very smart and her getting a therapist may feel like a weakness to her at this point. If it was just within a few days it would be ok from all angles for her to take a little time to let me know about it.
B) She made it seem like me questioning her a second time and telling her I was concerned with the defensive reaction I was mistrusting her. Also continuing to be concerned about it shows I don't trust her (?).
C) This is my worst nightmare and the reason I want to make sure to discuss this right away! That being said, she has recently (3mo) taken a job as an ER Veterinarian. There are many emotional hurdles to the position and her getting a therapist is well within normal expectation.
MsBuzzkillington83 t1_iujemcu wrote
A defensive reaction is always suspicious
Can u speak to her in a way like "okay I believe u aren't cheating but I do believe there's something wrong because people that don't have something to hide don't get defensive about nothing, if it's embarrassing, it's okay, I'm just curious because it seems like a pretty big deal"
Don't feel bad, u did nothing wrong
Is there something that she might be discussing that she'd be self conscious about?
Like, I don't really think she's totally cheating either but she's definitely hiding something
Ask reddit for chat website interfaces to see if u find anything that looks familiar maybe, if she won't tell u more
Like she doesn't have to give a ton of detail but she should be able to provide an answer that makes sense
sxfrklarret t1_iujo6df wrote
Yes, he did do something wrong. He didn't trust his wife, that is wrong. The tool she was using could be the portal the therapists use to communicate. But hey way to go straight to the cheating zone, stupid.
MsBuzzkillington83 t1_iujqw2c wrote
Well I see u didn't read the comments I made after, I said she's hiding something, I was thinking seeing the therapist about her leaving him
Unless he was accusing her, he did nothing wrong
As far as I gathered, he asked her twice, both of the times she acted suspicious.
OP explained her personality and after that u suspect she just thinks therapy is a weakness or embarrassment
sxfrklarret t1_iujs8qb wrote
If he is this mistrusting in his wife he needs to leave her. But not because of her but him. He is one the reddit man babies who makes it all about him and his insecurities. Being defensive is NOT suspicious it is being defensive for a reason. He has a poor relationship due to his insecurities so he needs to pack and go if he does not trust her.
MsBuzzkillington83 t1_iujevdx wrote
Oh sorry, saw your edit now, fair enough.
Yeah give it time, u can also discuss couples therapy to work around some of those barriers, idk
Capricondor t1_iujf63t wrote
Honestly I think that would be a great idea. Thank you.
sxfrklarret t1_iujnsh0 wrote
She didn't gas light you, YOU didn't trust her. It a therapist! didn't you think after you found that out she might be slightly embarrassed and hasn't been strong enough to talk about it yet? But then you come on here wanting to told you were in the right, you weren't you were/are wrong
I couldn't care less what apps my wife uses to chat with others and never ask not about the app or who she is talking to. If she wants me to know she will tell me.
If I had so little trust in my SO like most men on Reddit I would get divorced and never be with anyone ever again.
Lord_Swaglington_III t1_iujqq6b wrote
Why is he to blame for not trusting her when she did lie to him? Isn’t that when you shouldn’t trust someone? He should apologize for her being a bad liar?
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