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I think this depends on your age and the seriouness of your relationship. If you are young, still live at home, etc, then I can see prioritizing your mom's birthday.

But as you get older and enter into serious, committed relationships, then that will usually take priority. In that case, I would go on the trip and see your mom on the evening of Jan 1 or even the next day.

Tough situation, but to be honest I feel like your mom is a little old to be needing to celebrate on her birthday knowing that you're a young adult with your own life and it's a major holiday. Maybe in the future you could do something with your mom a few days earlier/later? Or I guess alternate years with your mom/boyfriend if it really comes to that.

I mean... he said he agreed but is bummed out about it. There's nothing more to do, or say about it, year after year.
He's allowed to be upset, but ultimately the routine will become second nature for him to get used to.

I don’t see why you need to be there the night of your moms birthday? If the trip is until the first then you’ll still get home at some point on her birthday and can celebrate with her?

I understand that family comes first and everything, however do you realize that your boyfriend is continually sacrificing HIS birthday night on your behalf? He’s explaining to his friends why you need to make an early exit, having to justify and excuse you. IMO you should really give him the night of the 31st under the condition that first thing in the morning is your moms day as it’s kinda unfair she gets the entire day on the 1st but he always had to cut his plans short for you on the 31st.

But should it though? If they end up getting married, he becomes her immediate family and should have reasonable priority over her parents. I believe setting boundaries with parents/in-laws is better done sooner than later.

To me the fact that it's a holiday doesn't matter much. Spending it with friends is not something that I want to do. I place more importance on their birthdays and since my entire extended family gets together on the 31st they take the opportunity to celebrate my mom's birthday. I am also very close to my mom, we have a really good relationship.

My entire extended family gets together the night of the 31st and it's like the celebration for my mom's birthday as well.

Yikes, you're right. That's not something I want him to have to do though. Maybe I should compromise a little more and say we can go back really early on the 1st like another commenter said.

I get it, but you also now have a boyfriend who may put importance on his birthday and the holiday, so you have to figure out how to juggle things in a way that doesn't make him feel less important.

And I agree with you. I don't want him to feel like his birthday comes second ever, eventually it will come first. For now I want them to feel equally as important to me and I am having trouble juggling them in a way that makes them both feel good. It's bad enough they have to share with a major holiday.

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I thought your comment was a little out of line and after seeing your second comment calling me a "16 year old spoiled brat rich white girl" unprovoked I can see you're really not here to give any helpful advise. I am 23, work a full time job, and am Mexican. You are ridiculous.

Does this happen for anyone else’s birthday too or just your moms?

We try to have everyone get together for other people's birthdays but since my mom's is on a holiday mostly everyone has the day off. It's just easier for everyone to make it on hers.

I also share a birthday with my FIL. Somehow this has never been an issue. Your boyfriend and your mom even have different birthdays. I don’t think you’re making him feel like both of their birthdays have the same priority because you leave his birthday early to start celebrating your mom’s birthday, which hasn’t even started by this point.

Bit much to expect your bf to forgo his birthday celebrations so your Mum can effectively have 2 days of celebration. You are an adult now, time to gain some independence. If you can't ever see yourself making your bf's birthday a priority over your Mum's, then just let him go. It's not fair of you to make it so that he will never be able to celebrate his birthday properly with yourself, his friends or even his family on his actual birthday.

Edit to add: he doesn't share a birthday with your Mum, her birthday is Jan 1st. So it's entirely reasonable that you don't see her at all on Dec 31.

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Girl, your boyfriend is right. Gotta leave the nest at some point.