Comments
Alternative-Wish-186 t1_iuj373f wrote
When I told him to set clear boundaries, he said that if he does that it might ruin what they have, and he doesn’t want to lose her, or choose between her and I. And he said that it’s MY problem if I am hurt because of this .. so I don’t really know how to tell him again that their friendship should have limits. Do you think maybe I should initiate this conversation again and how ? Thing is everything else about him is so great.. there’s only this thing that hurts our relationship
MarriedLife7 t1_iuj5a5x wrote
I don't get how not sleeping over at her place and such is a problem. If she gets a boyfriend then her situation is likely to be the same and she will probably just put boundaries up. This will likely really hurt him in the future.
I think the thing is that you make it clear you don't want him to lose her as a friend but you don't see why he has to stay overnight at her place and such.
He wants everything and doesn't want to lose anything. He is being pretty selfish.
Vegetable-Bee-7545 t1_iuj218x wrote
Break up with him. It won’t get better, rather you will waste time hoping it will and continue to be hurt.
Get therapy so you learn to love yourself and respect yourself.
Mountain_Monitor_262 t1_iujzld0 wrote
A GF has priority over a BGF. That’s not his girl best friend that’s his girlfriend. You’re basically on stand by as the placeholder until one day she catches feelings. She likes having that hold over him and probably gives him more attention when he has a GF that becomes her rival competition. Don’t waste your time. Let them play their games by themselves.
1Killag123 t1_iuj26hg wrote
Well you’re not right but you’re not wrong either.
There’s no “100% this is what a relationship is” deal. Every relationship is different and if he thinks that’s okay then sure that’s fine but if it’s not okay with you then that’s fine too and you need to talk about this with him. You two need to come to an understanding and find some common ground. Maybe he can go to the concert but he can’t stay in the same hotel or something like that. If he won’t budge at all then you have to either compromise and allow this but he has to allow something you want or just end it if you can’t compromise that heavily.
I personally wouldn’t allow that and I would break up if they can’t give that up. Not because I don’t like them anymore but I don’t want to be in a relationship that we don’t agree on this fundamental thing.
Alternative-Wish-186 t1_iuj2p08 wrote
I agree … I have tried talking to him about it but I was always accused of being “overreacting” or “controlling”. I really want to try to convince him that he should set clear boundaries with her, but I don’t really know how to
Own-Writing-3687 t1_iuj7eda wrote
Overreaching or controlling is name calling. It's a major communication fail. It changes the topic from his behavior to yours plus its intended to hurt you.
It's a strategy used because the facts don't support his behavior . He cant explain or justify his behavior so he attacks you by calling you names.
Dump this jerk. He's failed the BF test.
Own-Writing-3687 t1_iuj6umr wrote
Everyone in a committed relationship has an obligation to make the partner feel safe from infidelity.
His behavior is a major fail.
The time and emotions spent on her should be yours. Right now you are sharing him.
His behavior is selfish, entitled, likely deceitful (as to his intentions or sex), and shows zero empathy to you.
Most men would not do this to a woman they loved. You can't change him. Don't argue or explain any further with this selfish jerk.
You deserve better. Ghost him and block this jerk on everything.
Rich-Concentrate-200 t1_iujb3bj wrote
Leave him! Him telling you that he doesnt want to chose between the two of you and doesnt want to lose what they have is very hurtful. This man will never prioritize you nor value your boundaries. Telling you that you are overreacting or controlling is just a reflection of what he is. Please leave and just remember that when a door closes a new and better one opens. Don’t waste your time on him
Alternative-Wish-186 t1_iujcx7u wrote
You’re right it is very hurtful .. I might be wrong but I still have a bit of hope, maybe I should try to talk about it again hoping to get a nicer response. I don’t really know if that would work but I hate to give up on people like that
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MarriedLife7 t1_iuj17br wrote
He is still more emotionally invested with his friend than you. Putting general boundaries doesn't ruin a friendship and she would understand. He still has an attachment with her and I would break up with him if he refuses to change (or even if he says he will).
It is one thing to have a really good friend but this is overboard.