plush_paradox t1_iuj3p4r wrote on October 31, 2022 at 6:38 PM

Reply to comment by International-Aside in Asked my husband for his phone password….. by [deleted]

Yeah… his reaction definitely made me suspect that there’s more going on. Like if you’re not hiding anything then what’s the fight for? Yeah there has been infidelity on his part. I don’t feel as he is my partner. He supports me financially but mentally…. no.

International-Aside t1_iuj4cnr wrote on October 31, 2022 at 6:42 PM

Sorry OP, you already know what everyone is going to say. He's hiding something and your marriage is unhealthy. I think you should start thinking about whether this is the kind of relationship you want modeled for your children and what your exit plan may look like.

plush_paradox t1_iuj4krz wrote on October 31, 2022 at 6:44 PM

It’s very unhealthy. that’s part of the reason I didn’t put up a fight to get out of the vehicle. I wasn’t trying to have more problems but I did not successfully do that lol

International-Aside t1_iuj57zm wrote on October 31, 2022 at 6:48 PM

I get that but unless you literally have no choice i.e. live somewhere where your kids will be taken away from you if you leave, he can legally abuse you etc, then you need to leave him. Yeah, it'd be real fucking hard at first but do you really want to spend the rest of your life being completely subservient to him? Do you want to walk around on eggshells forever?

I urge you to contact a local or national abuse hotline/agency for guidance and support as well as to a divorce lawyer if you have access. Many will have a free consultation

plush_paradox t1_iuj5ec0 wrote on October 31, 2022 at 6:49 PM

I could go to a woman’s shelter. my parents left my sibling and I when we were young so i don’t have a great support system. He does though, and knows he’s mine, he takes full advantage.

International-Aside t1_iuj8215 wrote on October 31, 2022 at 7:07 PM

Dont say anything to him yet. Get away from him for a bit if you can. Contact the shelter, tell them the situation as well as background history, ask for help with a safety plan for you and your kids to leave. They will help coordinate the safest option possible for you/your kids. Erase any web searches for the shelter, call log, etc but dont clear everything, just the stuff relevant to you getting help so that he doesnt become suspicious if he checks your phone.

If he knows about your reddit acct, delete everything from your post and comment history. I suggest creating an alt that has no identifiable info and log out each time you use it. Abusers often become the most dangerous when they feel their control over their victims starting to slip. Please be careful!

plush_paradox t1_iuj910o wrote on October 31, 2022 at 7:14 PM

Im not going to say anything, Im going to try to talk to him as little as possible. Thank you a lot for giving that information, I’m gonna sit down and write a plan down now. That’s another thing i won’t miss…. I won’t miss being made to feel useless because im a stay at home mom who doesn’t bring in any income. He likes to make those remarks too, “You live for free with me.” he says. lol

International-Aside t1_iujgrk5 wrote on October 31, 2022 at 8:06 PM

Just dont leave anything where he may find it. If you need to write it down to organize your thoughts, I suggest destroying it immediately or using code to make it look like a grocery list or something.

You're not worthless. You dont live with him for free. You're raising his children and im sure doing all the housework. Unpaid labor is still labor and he's a POS for not acknowledging that.