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Kubuubud t1_je6fwdm wrote

You’re a trained mental health professional and have been extremely close to him for almost a decade. If you think he is a narcissist, you’re probably right!

And if you are a MH clinician, you know what narcissistic abuse looks like, and it seems you’ve gone through it. The constantly cycle of them messing up and promising to be better, and usually they seem better too! But it always goes back to the toxicity.

I know it’s hard but you have to recognize that you’re putting yourself back into that cycle for him. You went no contact for a reason. Try to be really objective and consider if one of your friends was in your position. What would you tell her?

You also mentioned a lot of red flags, like him being unemployed. You also seem to have described love bombing on his end! Y’all aren’t serious at all but he’s making promises and saying he wants you to be his wife and all that stuff. And your family really hates him so you’re hiding this from them. Those are trademarks of being a narcissistic abuse victim.

This is messy but you can totally remove yourself from it and I think you should

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Kubuubud t1_je6g4mt wrote

I’d also like to point out that he might appear to have grown, but he’s likely just able to maintain that facade because you’re too far to prove otherwise.

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bachelorsuperfan66 t1_je6qdzt wrote

I absolutely agree. It’s not so much that I’m thinking I should continue on with him or that he has changed or that he’s the one for me. I’m more fixated on the idea that he may have another woman there and I’ve been part of that nonsense now.

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Kubuubud t1_je73uzu wrote

I don’t think there’s any way for you to find and warm this other woman, so I think you might just have to be okay with the fact it might’ve happened, but it’s not like you did it knowingly!

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