Submitted by Naive_Philosophy6641 t3_1284gaw in relationship_advice
Me (F19) and my boyfriend (M19) let’s call him Greg have been “long distance dating” for almost 2 and a half years now. But during our entire relationship we’ve only called on ft for about 6 months of our relationship and this was all at the beginning. I apologize in advanced that this is way too long
Back when we started dating was around the peak of COVID time, so schools were shut down and some barely started to open up for online learning. We were always on the phone when we had time. We would stay up late playing among us with a few friends. Ideally for me it was the best relationship ever because he is like my best friend, but he was mine yk. Anyways. It wasn’t until around the 6 month mark or maybe 7 month that we started talking less and less. His mom took his phone away because he was always going to sleep late (because he was on the phone with me) which sucked cause now I wouldn’t be able to talk to him as much. He had his Apple Watch but it’s small so it’s hard to type on it. As he said therefor I really never heard from him when this happened. He said he was going to get his phone back after a week and a half so me being excited to finally hear his voice again I couldn’t wait.
The day came to call and I called him when he was out of school. His time is 3 hours ahead of mine so it was a little tricky to do this while I had school but I did it. I really just wanted to hear him it hadn’t been the same just texting. Well I called and called and called and there was no answer or text. I was like “ok maybe his phone died or he’s really busy, I’ll text him and he’ll call me when he has the chance. No biggie” a few days pass I don’t hear anything. I’m starting to get worried because he’d normally text me to check in, telling me how his day went and how he got high in class as usual but it was radio silence. Maybe a week goes by and he finally picked up the phone. I was mad ofc like “dude where have you been? Why haven’t you texted or called? Are you ok?” He just played it off like nothing ever happened like everything was normal and I was probably a lovesick puppy. Not probably I was a lovesick puppy. Anything he told me I would believe. But anyways I let it go and everything was fine but I still wouldn’t get called it was always text. Not even a voice message and every time I would ask for a phone call he told me he was busy with work. Soon I started getting tired of it. It was always something with him either he was busy or had work or just flat didn’t want to. I started begging him to at least give me voice messages so I could hear his voice. He wouldn’t even do that.
I know around this point it should have already been a red flag. And I should have left but I loved him. What we had was something special to me because normally people really just text me for a hookup and I didn’t want that. (Im more on the bigger side) but Greg wanted me because his words “you’re funny, cute, caring and it’s what I love the most about you. When you smile it’s genuine and your laugh is adorable” so me being the love sick puppy I really never wanted to let him go cause this was more for me. The more that I was looking for. But the more he denied me of the voice messages and phone calls the more I got insecure that maybe he had found someone in his state and they were hitting it off that’s why he was distancing himself. I found myself asking him almost every week if he found someone else and if he did he needed to tell me so I could let go and he would be happy with her. But he always said there was no one and it was always going to me. But still no phone call or voice message.
Fast forward a year and a half later. For about 2-3 months I didn’t hear from him at all. No texts or called or voice messages. Anything! Nothing at all. I truly thought that was it. He left never said anything. We were done. I wasn’t the happiest. I definitely went through a small heart break but I feel like half of me knew this was coming. Like I knew this was going to happen so why let it affect me. I thought I had started to move on but then out of nowhere he texted me. Saying that he loved me and he was sorry that he hadn’t texted me and he missed me and couldn’t wait to talk to me. (He used his friends phone from work to long into Snapchat to text me)
I wasn’t over him. Obviously that’s why we’re still together. But he told me that his phone broke. And thats why he couldn’t contact me. Because his phone broke and he didn’t have enough money to get a new one since he was helping his mom with bills and he had to pay rent. I understood I knew what it was like to not have the funds so I let it go and we were going back to normal. Well the new normal where I couldn’t get a call or voice messages. It has been another 6/7 months maybe more and he still doesn’t have a phone and I don’t hear from him often cause his friend “doesn’t go to work often”. His friend tells me that Greg talked about me a lot and he really misses me he’s just been struggling. And I actually felt like this was going to be ok. Cause now I at least know that someone is telling me what’s going on. And I was told heheh would get a phone by the end of January. I was like ok cool. I’ll get to talk to him because he also said he missed my voice. But then I was told beginning February then mid February then end of February. Then mid march. Now it’s going to be April and still no phone. Hell only text me hen his friend is at work and that’s if he doesn’t call out either.
I’ve already been in contact with him that if he needed help I was willing to help and he said to give him just a few more week and then I could help cause he didn’t want me to have to pay more than I needed to but I was like dude. “You can just pay me back I don’t care. But this is so you can get in contact with people and you don’t need your friends phone.” But I also started thinking that maybe this is a bad idea. Because what if he had a phone. And I was getting played. I didn’t want to even think if he does have a phone he’s just trying to find a way to break up with me. But I genuinely don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I’m trying my everything to be with him and he’s just meh. What am I supposed to do?