my parents, they also raised me with the ideals of a core belief that “mood is a choice”. which may be true but no matter how much they insulted me, if I even showed the slightest reaction of anger I would be mocked for it “ohhh did those words hurt you” “are you gonna cry little baby” and my personal favorite “quit being such a pantsy ass bitch and shut up”. in a perfect world of theres people never cry and only the weak are sensitive.

That made it hard for me when i first started experiencing real depression around 7th grade. just one day i guess i just lost all ability to enjoy life. nothing in my life brought me any sort of pleasure joy or satisfaction, I felt like I was just purely existing as the world turned. then go home and get berated for throwing a pity party feeling sorry for myself and being a weak lazy unmotivated loser. Well enough time went on and after my father trying to beat me into submission and consistent beration from my mother... i guess thats where i lost nearly all respect for them and the relationship truly crumbled in my eyes.

but fuck what do i know, im just out here throwing a pity party feeling sorry for myself right? if only i could just "quit being a pantsy ass bitch get my shit together and quit being the victim" i could function normally