I (F22) have failed to break up with (M26) multiple times, how do I succeed?

Submitted by LaFluffy t3_126r0dm in relationship_advice

My bf and I have been together for 3 years. We have grown and changed a-lot since we started dating and i feel as if our problems outweigh the positives of the relationship. I have a problem with lying, and he has anger issues. This culminates into me lying about something in order to not make him angry, and then he gets angry when he either find out or I confess. I know I have this problem and am actively trying to fix it while he refuses to see he has a problem and says "everything I say or do is just a reaction and is therefore justified." Its a vicious cycle that has lead to me trying to leave multiple times in the past.

The problem arises each time i try because he ends up spam call and texting me, saying he's going to change and get better and that he needs me in his life and that he loves me and he's so depressed and his grandma is crying etc etc. This can go on for days to the point im exhausted. Our lease ends in July and my plan is to save enough money to get my own place and break it off. i dont have the money right now for that. I wish I could just disappear into the night but the amount of stuff i have will take several days to move.

How should I go about leaving? Should i grab as much as I can and forget about the rest? Should I talk to him but stay firm? Any Advice is Helpful!!!

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the-mirrors-truth t1_jeacun2 wrote

Grab what you can. Grab the important stuff.

Change your number, change your email, change your social media.

He won't change.

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MckittenMan t1_jeadkie wrote

Would it be possible to move back home instead of having to wait for July?

You know the cycle. You know what to expect when you attempt to break it off. You know his tactics.

You need the courage and strength to not buy it.

Have someone there who can help you move, get it all done in one day.

Clean break:

>Sorry, this isn't working for us, we're a dysfunctional couple. It will be better for us to go our seperate ways.
>
>I no longer want to be in this relationship.

Then you block all paths of contact.

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LaFluffy OP t1_jeaeb7s wrote

i wish i could but due to a new job i have to stay for at least another two months anyways as there is a no move policy through training. i also dont want to give him the opportunity to stop paying bills out of spite and have that financially ruin me in the future.

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MckittenMan t1_jeajv4i wrote

Alright, in that case.. if you're stuck there. You need to start saving up as much as possible.

That way, when the lease is up, there is nothing holding you back from moving. And if you're not where you want to be financially near that day, consider moving back home to get back on your feet.

Do not allow yourself to sign up for another lease because you're dependent on someone.

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LaFluffy OP t1_jeakhjq wrote

i agree. im excited and terrified at the same. the last time i tried to block all contact he created other phone numbers in order to call me. i dont think hell do anything violent but i feel as though he will see me moving out on our ring camera and come back from work in order to try and stop it

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