The age gap is definitely a valid concern - my independence has definitely been threatening to him sometimes, I think he can be surprised by it due to my age but I had to grow up much faster than most. He can be immature in a lot of ways so we even each other out quite nicely. I don't feel like the issues we have are specifically due to our ages, if anything I think he's outgrown a lot of toxic behaviours from when he was younger and he's at a stage now where he can work on them by discussing them with me.

The hygiene factor is due to depression and he immediately suggested it himself as a contributing factor when I was getting infections. I haven't had an infection since, so he is capable of recognising when he needs to change something and he's been vigilant about it (he was never unclean or disgusting by any stretch of the imagination, now he just makes a point of cleaning up straight before every single time there will be any penetration)

I definitely won't move in until this is sorted out. I have a lease I can extent for another year if need be.