I (24 M) just was told by my wife (24 F) that my stagnation has been too much of a burden on her and she wants a divorce after 10 years together

Submitted by Astro_boii t3_1281ne3 in relationship_advice

I am at a total loss here. This happened this morning and she’s already got a hotel room for the night. We have been together since we were 14. My mind is reeling I feel like nothing is real right now. I am going to use this post as a means to collect and finalize my thoughts. Trigger warning going forward, this story does involve rape.

I will explain this situation from her perspective, as it is what seems most fair to her in my opinion. 5 years ago, I was a sophomore at an Ivy League university. Me and my soon-to-be wife were already going 5 years strong doing long distance while we finished our degrees. Then, at the end of my sophomore year, the man who had repeatedly raped me for most of my childhood died. My mental collapse was sudden and extreme. Suicide attempts, mental hospital visits, and constant agonizing pain in my head as countless repressed memories flooded to the surface. That was 5 years ago.

I still have no degree, I’ve haven’t been able to hold a job for more than a few months. I have very few friends none of whom live in the city we are in. I have spent MONTHS and over 100k (paid for by my family so no financial burden to her) doing inpatient trauma rehabilitation. My most recent stint was 5 weeks during the latter half of 2022. All I have is this woman. Every step I have taken walking away from hurting myself or to get better was to make a life with this woman. She is my everything, and today she left.

It’s not fair that she’s the only person in my life, I get that. I feel so unbelievably lost and hopeless. She told me the burden of being with me was too much to bear. That she had already made up her mind and had been thinking about it for almost a week. She said that being the only person in my life was not the life she wanted for us, and that she was tired of waiting for me to get better. Counseling was not an option, fixing things was not an option. It’s over. My head physically hurts from the distress this has caused me. She went to hang out with her friends for support. I’m home alone as always.

Someone please tell me what to do. I feel like I’ve been blasted by a stupefying ray. Of the 10,000,000 things racing through my head one thought keeps fighting it’s way to the surface. “Please come home.” I can’t stop crying. This isn’t fair I have tried so hard to heal. Please come home. Every fiber of my being is endlessly in love with you. I’m so sorry I’m not who I once was. Please come home. Please come home. Please

TL;DR: I am broken and don’t deserve a wonderful woman like her, and she finally caught on. What do I do so that I don’t fall apart completely?

38

Comments

You must log in or register to comment.

HHIOTF t1_jegtnfb wrote

I am so sorry you are hurting. You sound like you've had a really hard life. Getting help was the right thing to do and now you need more help.

Unfortunately, she can't fix you and it is hard and probably destroying her life now as well.

Life isn't fair, there is no such thing as fair. It sucks, I know.

All you can do is reach out to any family you have left and ask for their help. Reconnect with a counselor and start talking as much as you need to. It may not feel like it but with time this gets easier.

At some point you need to take control of your life and take actions like going back to school or even taking a class at a community college. One small step at a time until you can walk again and then run again.

104

AutoModerator t1_jegsdnw wrote

Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We'd like to take this time to remind users that:

  • We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors

  • Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)

  • ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.

  • No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.

  • All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.

  • What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.

If you have any questions, please send us a modmail.

#This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

1