fishmom5 t1_jaacpep wrote on February 28, 2023 at 12:18 AM

You are a TEAM. Act like it.

It doesn’t matter whose day to day is harder. It’s COVID times. It’s all fucking hard.

Your wife is reaching out asking for validation, because unlike you, she doesn’t have performance evaluations, raise negotiations, or even colleagues to pat her on the butt and say “rough one out there today, huh”. She’s communicating- albeit poorly- with the adult who’s supposed to have her back.

So have it! You tell us all about the great respect you have for SAHP- tell her!

And tell her how hard your days are, too. Be honest. Send her memes about office work. There’s no shortage.

ThrowRA_resentfuldad OP t1_jaadnxc wrote on February 28, 2023 at 12:24 AM

Thanks for the note, its good advice. I try to tell her at least once a week how much I appreciate her, and how great of a mom she is. But I think your message was a good reminder that sometimes people just need to vent and a partner is supposed to be there to listen and support. Your analogy of the office and the validation is super insightful.

I also think I probably need to be more vocal about the validation and appreciation that I need. She is not one to give out thank yous and appreciation frequently and I am definitely someone who craves validation, so I probably just need to express that. But asking for appreciation sometimes defeats the positive impact it has so I stopped reminding her.

fishmom5 t1_jaafmbv wrote on February 28, 2023 at 12:38 AM

I get it. I’m like your wife- I don’t do the words of affirmation thing, and that’s what my husband needs. He has to remind me, too, since it’s so counter to my personality (which is dysfunctional, don’t get me wrong). What’s easier for us is for me to remember to thank him every so often, which often transitions to compliments.

I think you would both tremendously benefit from couples counseling- I think you both just need to learn to hear each other and speak in the same language. Not to be cliche about it.