I basically came here to say exactly what this comment said. So I won’t repeat their excellent advice.

What I will say is that as someone who is also a parent with a young child (who just started kindergarten and it’s a BIG change that the whole family is struggling with) I understand how easy it is to accidentally make someone else’s crappy feelings about yourself. Like, I can tell right now my husband is flat and exhausted because he’s been taking our son in the mornings before doing long days at the hospital as a medical student. I’m also exhausted because I’m doing pick ups, working full time and being newly pregnant. We’re both working really hard, and we both feel pretty shit. And when I see how tired and flat he is, I often feel really guilty because he’s doing so much, but also angry because I know how much I’M doing and part of me is like…. I’m trying so hard and he’s still feeling burnt out so what’s the point of me making an effort?

But of course, it’s not about me. Just like my exhaustion is not about him, or rather about him somehow having it easy or letting me down. One of the hardest things we can learn how to do is let our partners feel like crap without trying to fix it, because sometimes there’s nothing to fix. Which is not to say that counselling wouldn’t help you - I think it really would - I guess what I’m saying is that your wife expressing negativity doesn’t necessarily make that something you need to feel responsible for. You don’t have to pick up what she’s putting down, because realistically, she’s not putting it down for you - she’s putting it down for herself, so she doesn’t have to carry it for a little bit. Personally I think there are much more effective ways for her to handle the strain she’s under than what she’s currently doing, but I also think a good old fashioned whinge can be extremely important and cathartic. It might just need to be tempered with a more balanced and optimistic approach overall. And I think you could also benefit from some support around how you can let your wife feel her feelings (even the unpleasant ones) without it being something you feel responsible for changing.