Sharing a room with my (34F) friend (36M) during a group trip

Submitted by Pho317 t3_11e0pql in relationship_advice

We are all in our mid-thirties, I went on a short weekend trip with 3 friends (M), I'm the only F. One of them organized and booked everything (we split costs at the end), but when we arrived at the hotel, realized he booked 2 rooms so we would have to split 2-2, when he also had the option to book a family room for all of us (bigger living space + cheaper). I never thought he would book any other kind of room, but he said it would be more comfortable and the price difference wasn't big. After finding out we had to split, he and I naturally had to room together as he didn't know the 2 others as well.

The room had twin beds thankfully, but I still felt very uneasy because there was no discussion or heads-up about this. In the end, except when going to sleep, we mostly all hung out in the other room (it was a bit cramped as a result).

This friend is also married, while the remaining 3 of us are single. Honestly I would be really uncomfortable if my husband purposefully booked a separate room just to share with a female friend, even if it's a twin bedroom. He and I are good friends of about 5-6 years, but not super close. We never spent time 1-on-1 before.

I'd have been perfectly happy sharing with everyone, but if we had to split rooms, I'd think it would either be me alone and the three guys together, or everyone their own room. Or if he wanted to have more comfortable space, he could have booked his own room. But this 2-2 setup didn't seem appropriate, especially without talking about it with me first.

I kind of see him a bit differently now, and am more suspicious about his intentions. For example, since this trip he has been really insistent to go on other trips, meet up and what not - without mentioning who else with. What do you think, should I say something, or am I being too paranoid??

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ThrowRA_ECAW2 t1_jabwo83 wrote

Tell his wife you had fun on the trip and she must trust him a lot to be comfortable with him sleep alone in a room with a single female friend.

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Waste_Vegetable8974 t1_jacly88 wrote

Maybe not quite this but if he didn't tell his wife, that's all the Red flags you need.

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YourRAResource t1_jabtjbd wrote

I wouldn’t necessarily say you’re wrong in the sense that this certainly should have been discussed without question.

But given that it’s over and done with, nothing inappropriate happened, and you had a great trip, I think you’re overreacting in looking at him differently.

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Mountain_Monitor_262 t1_jacgvz3 wrote

You were definitely set up. He is hoping for alone, intimate time with you. Don’t be alone drinking with him and you’ll need to watch your drinks and how much you drink around him. If you can swing it, get your own room.

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bleep-bloop-meep t1_jactsm3 wrote

Totally unacceptable as he is married. The males should have still slept in the same room. Not sure if you have a husband but mentioned the word. If you have a husband too, it is also twice as inappropriate for you to share a solo room with him.

Even if nothing happened, this kind of actions put cracks in a relationship and can potentially damaged even healthy ones.

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RedPandaLovesYou t1_jabzyas wrote

>But this 2-2 setup didn't seem appropriate, especially without talking about it with me first.

Maybe you should've involved yourself more with the planning then eh?

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