Anyone have success dialing back a relationship? (28 F 30 M)

Submitted by abnormalaf t3_11e9cen in relationship_advice

We got into a relationship about 2 months ago after casually dating for a couple of months. I felt like it was too soon, but I didn't want to hurt him since he was all in. Now that the dust has settled, I'm learning new things about him that I'm not 100% sure about. I'd like to slow down back to more of a talking phase and continue to get to know him without the pressure of having to perform girlfriend duties while being unsure. I also don't feel like I'm ready for a committed relationship despite initially having agreed to one. I don't want to lose him by breaking up, so I'd like to find the best way to communicate this so that he may agree.

In this post, I'm specifically looking for advice about how to go about this in the best way possible. I'm clarifying so I don't get 10 comments harping on moving too fast and so on. It's too late.. so now I want to know how to fix it. Thanks reddit!

2

Comments

You must log in or register to comment.

AutoModerator t1_jactcjg wrote

Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We'd like to take this time to remind users that:

  • We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors

  • Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)

  • ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.

  • No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.

  • All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.

  • What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.

If you have any questions, please send us a modmail.

#This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

1

AITA-TA-unwanted t1_jacuawu wrote

You don't. Just have the chat and if he leaves he leaves. Be prepared to be nothing more than a friends with benefits

3

UsuallyWrite2 t1_jacukkp wrote

Your post is so vague that it’s hard to give good advice.

I don’t know what you mean by “girlfriend duties” or what it is that you want to dial back.

Obviously you need to speak with him but you need to be far more specific than you are here or he isn’t going to have a clue what you’re asking for.

1

tryingmybset t1_jacun2t wrote

There’s no way to make someone agree to it. You just have to be honest about how you’re feeling. You owe it to him, and to yourself.

1

abnormalaf OP t1_jacutmy wrote

Replying to AITA-TA-unwanted (#2,106,390)

You're right, he might leave. But I don't want to have sex or be FWB. That's part of what I no longer want to feel pressured to do. I really feel like I want to know him a lot deeper before continuing to share my body and life with him. He definitely has the right to say "no thanks" and find someone else

2

abnormalaf OP t1_jacv7kf wrote

Replying to UsuallyWrite2 (#2,106,491)

By dial it back I mean the part where I said "slow back down to more of a talking phase" rather than an official relationship.

Girlfriend duties as in: spending all my free time with him, having to be intimate, etc. Essentially his expectations for me as a girlfriend

1

abnormalaf OP t1_jacvk53 wrote

Replying to tryingmybset (#2,106,522)

I 100% will be honest. I guess I was just hoping there was a better way to say it... Like some verbiage I could use that still makes him feel cared for rather than it being his fault somehow. He tends to take any issue and make it his fault, even if I'm apologizing or being accountable too

1

EntshuldigungOK t1_jadp0vr wrote

"I like you, and I want to continue that, and in time go beyond liking.

I think we are getting along swimmingly. Just one concern: The high pace has caught me by surprise.

It is a part of my personality - I tend to go slow and steady.

You have more of a passionate and driven persona. Think of it like this: I am like a reliable employee; you are more of an ambitious leader of a promising start-up.

And the simple reality is: I am finding it difficult to handle the pace.

So if it's OK with you, can we dial back the speed a little? I will try to increase my pace a little, and you can also perhaps slow down a little.

I hope I am not asking for too much. Let me know your thoughts - candidly".

2