Moving in together 35F 30M

Submitted by Sofluffy27 t3_11ea17z in relationship_advice

My partner and I have been together for about 5 months and have been talking about moving in together, I’m nervous about this step for two reasons:

  1. I’m a little uncomfortable living with someone before marriage just dude to the more traditional background I come from

  2. More pressing - I live in extremely unaffordable city…. Rents are now at about 85% of total income for most people, but since my place is older and I’ve been here for a bit it’s actually very cheap compared to todays market. My partner rents a much nicer but smaller apartment that’s about $600 more a month then what I pay.

He would really like me to move into his place but I’m pretty worried about giving up such a cheap apartment and where this could leave me should our relationship end I need to seek out housing again on my own.

He’s taking openly about possibly moving into mine but I can see why his place is a much nicer place to live in for the two of us.

Advice/ feedback?

4

Comments

You must log in or register to comment.

AutoModerator t1_jacvbh0 wrote

Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We'd like to take this time to remind users that:

  • We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors

  • Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)

  • ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.

  • No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.

  • All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.

  • What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.

If you have any questions, please send us a modmail.

#This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

1

UsuallyWrite2 t1_jacvxbu wrote

Way too soon. Way. Too. Soon.

Don’t give up your place just yet.

4

McSuzy t1_jacw1aq wrote

Five months is much too soon and you need to keep your place because of the very favorable pricing.

1

WildlifePolicyChick t1_jacyhqg wrote

NO. How many posts do we see here that start off with 'I moved in with my SO within X weeks/months of dating and gosh now it's a nightmare and I'm stuck."

Never move in with anyone when you can only measure your time together in months and not years.

Just don't. Do not DO NOT give up your great apartment or the financial security it affords you.

You hardly know this guy. Don't be a fool.

3

SpicyMustFlow t1_jadbnuv wrote

I am a cautious sort. My partner and I moved in together after 18 months: I did not give up my own apartment. (In fairness, it became my work studio.) We got engaged: kept the apartment. We got married: kept the apartment FOR A YEAR LONGER.

All of this is to say: why the rush? Moving in together to save money is a terrible reason, especially when you both can afford your own spaces. The fact that you took to reddit to ask the question says that you know it's not the wisest choice.

Bide your time. Get to know him. And whatever you do, always maintain credit in your own name.

1

procrastinationprogr t1_jadfebz wrote

Too soon as people say, if you have no other reason for moving in together just wait at least until you've been together for a year. Also where I'm from you can rent out your apartment second hand for up to two years while doing trial living with a partner. Not sure anything similar exists for you.

1

facinationstreet t1_jadqubf wrote

You barely know him. You've only been dating for 5 months. Don't blow up your life for someone you may not be with in a month or 2. Table this entire discussion for at least - at a very minimum - another 6 months. Then revisit the conversation if you're still together and tell him your boundaries: you want to be married first.

1