THROWRA022823 OP t1_jaekaws wrote on February 28, 2023 at 9:35 PM

Reply to comment by Kirutaru in I can’t tell if I’m the asshole(25f) or I’m being gaslight by my husband (24NB) by THROWRA022823

Absolutely. I get embarrassed that I allowed it for so long and all the time that was wasted. But nothings going to get better if I keep reflecting on it.

I try to establish boundaries but it has proven to be hard because they just think I’m out to get video games. They feel like the “other woman” lol

I totally understand that! I have made it very clear that this is it and things need to change. I just hope it’s enough but it’s hard to even hope based on how much they have let me down in the past. I really don’t trust them at all regarding it because it’s either video games or DND it feels like.

I am so glad you have found a healthy balance and a healed relationship with your wife! I struggle to even think about kids right now even though I want them because I don’t feel like I can trust them. I am going to find a few therapists and if anything else arises as far as questions on my end I will absolutely reach out. Thank you for offering. I appreciate it so much, this shit feels so lonely

Kirutaru t1_jaen3st wrote on February 28, 2023 at 9:54 PM

Well you're on a throwaway account so I wont be able to find you after much longer. You can DM me or find me anytime.

One of the things I have taken away from my ... difficult journey ... is that coming here and talking about parts of it makes it feel validated a little. The fact I can give you some comfort and reassurance makes me feel like everything I went through can be helpful to share with others.

The whole "this is just about video games" or "your jealous of video games" are deflections and gaslighting. I said some of those same things. Its very immature and it attempts to make it seem like you're unreasonable (jealous of a hobby!) because you need more partnership from your partner. Not that they're the unreasonable one because they cant do the bare minimum of doing the dishes because they have dailies on WoW to do.

I don't know how to get him to stop doing that, but I understand (now) that its not about the hobby. Its about the neglect to do everything else that isnt the hobby... like show affection, appreciation, and help out around the house once in a while. 😉 I wish I had some magic words you could say to get through that deliberate barrier, but don't believe it. Its a deflection.